Monday, October 09, 2006

Excerpts from "I think your brillant"...... June 27-28 '06

Random partial excerts put together in chronological order from the longest chain letter written.. Who's it with.. well that i can't say.. maybe you'll figure it out.. This post covers June 27-28.. a continuation from my first post.. and the second post ..Enjoy.


I would try it in a boat

i wouldn't try it with a goat
unless it was pygmy
i just don't have it in me
dark or light it makes no difference

as long as it's a corner Johnny Menace

Lords of Acid too makes me squeel... like a little girl having her pony tails pulled tightly.

My guess to your bag.... hmmmm.
two king size marbles
jar of rubber cement
box of matches

Toss with me,

I was wondering what kind of person buys Type O Negative album..tell me you drew the line and said no to Henry Rollins. I would have pegged you a tool freak

speaking of bags.. rubber cement and matches... you pyro... you want me to make the person rubb that cement on those marbles, light it on fire and throw it againist the wall for a fire ball explosion... just so i can blow my load by explosion.

would you bring it to the pool

will its contents make me drool
would you open it at the mall
should i bring a gag and ball
I do not like tiny goats i'm sure
Last time i brought one

it was all a blur

No Henry Rollins! though sometimes I dig him as an actor...

Expulsion by explosion is something I have to see in my lifetime... let's do that.

I would bring it to the pool
it very much could make you drool
bring it with me to the mall?
you may not like that
not at all
Though showing you in public places

may just lead to funny faces
would you look if i presented?
Dont be surprise if I consented.

What great Henry Rollin's role are we talking about? In Heat as the bodyguard or VH1's I love the 90s as himself...

"Expulsion by explosion" sounds like a new sex ed book.. feel free to take the copyrights.

ok last guess
got ice in tupperware
i think we've clearly established the music will be tool

i can be cruel,

Johnny Pnuemonic, or the Swat team leader in Bad Boys II.

I'll take those copyrights, but you have to co-author.
Dropped the rhyming did we?
MMKAY, you are cruel. And yeah I guess I like marbles... Im not a pyro, I just like fire.

My second guess is....

A small pillbox
meat thermometer
Roll of twine

Dear fire lover.... but not a pyro,

Henry Rollins is defitnaly in your guilty pleasure category...

and before we start this book... we need to research.. who's going to believe us if we don't do the research.. prefably in Sweeden with the organization of Swedish scientific research. For the cover...... background with you hitting your moltov cocktail .. catching a nice fire ball explosion that engulfs most of the background... then in the foreground a silhouette of a guy blowing his load

Enjoying the ryhming were we?

alright were did i end last... oh yeah oral fixitation...
ok tupper w/ice
and oral fixitation........ lets see if i can just think this out... oral...... smokers, gum chewers, ...suckers... maybe its just a sandwhich.... hmmmm oral... oral.. oral.. fixatition... fixated on the mouth.... mouth drooling.... cock.. drool.. food.. munch.. ... large bag.... bigger bag than mine.... oral.. big.. .. you know what i'm going to go with pussy.... you got another girl in that back....... ...... wait ............ dum-dum comment.... ok.. you better not be throwing me off... I'll go with sour apple dum-dum sucker.

Dear Poetry Daddy,

Yep, Henry Rollins is right up there with my affliction for you in the guilty pleasure category.

any advice on killing said co-worker?

Tupperwear with Ice, yes
Aenima Tool, absolutely
but no dum dum.... Wintergreen life savers.

Partial pyro, not really.

i have to admit .. i enjoy being a guility pleasure..

Wintergreen lifesavers.... you were throwing me off with the dum dum.... what am i going to chomp on a wintergreen so you can see the sparks and tell where my mouth is in a dark corner? which reminds me... third guess is complete... now you talk about how you would use each of my first guesses.

smashing baby asprins,

Dear new guilty pleasure,

Alright, Im game. Your first guess was the Deftones White Pony Album, electrical tape, and a typewriter.

Well I would most likely play the album, and while humming along to
teenager I would type dirty sexual fantasies on the electrical tape (since there's no paper in my bag) and then wrap you in it, naked and bound to a chair... exposing only the parts I'll need... As the rest of the album plays... I'll just tease you and make you try to guess what it says on the tape through feeling the bumps with your one free hand.....

Your second guess was ankle strap stilleto heel, feather, and ice... since you already guessed the ice... I will have to come into play in this scenario AND the third one... so here goes:

Dammit I wish I had tape for this one too. hmmm. Well let see, not too much you can do with one stilletto unless you're planning on doing some sort of one legged vodoo dance, so let's go with that. I would most definitely stick the feather in my ass crack while I'm doing said dance and then use the ice to throw at you when you start laughing at me for looking like an idiot. Even though that would totally be my intention, to make you laugh.

Your third guess was ice w/tupperwear, Aenima Tool CD and dum-dum....
Well, I would most likely hit the song Stinkfist and strip you naked, then running ice all over your body I would ... oh shit, do I tell you what I would do with the dum dum?

Not sure you could handle that.... This is turning into a book.... speaking of books...hmmmm.

Pussy Sparks

Dear pussy sparks,

Ok.. what are we doing here.. new James Bond characters?... Pussy Sparks always carries around a pack of wintergreen lifesavers.. and here i was thinking about sparks in the mouth... nope never got to fall for that one in 7th grade.

Teenager as a song of choice......hmmmmm.... actually you could play anything off that cd and it would work for me... in fact you should just play the whole damn thing..

ok i admit the feather is off the mark..... you know you could just follow me into a bathroom and hit me over the head with the heel, drag me into a stall, stick my balls in ice and fluff me with the feather until my cock does the rock on sign... and then i wake up in the stall with a cum filled stilleto heel strapped to my cock and a note written in..... blood i guess... with feahter.. and the note is in Green Eggs n Ham form of coarse.

I think you should tell me what you did with the dum dum because it is just plain wrong not to tell.... and remember this is for research.

Ok... we are on to something... with the mind fuck bag.. this could be the new sex craze game for couples/swingers/singles/whoever.... we need to form a production company

why am i always being stripped down naked,

Dear Menace,

Now you know what the wintergreen life savers are for. So turn the lights off and dive in

you shoot tequila like a champ. wish i was that lime.

errr... let's move on.
James Bond characters? You'd be the villian I suppose...

i can't kill my co-worker you're absolutely right. But I can do that thing with the stilleto and fluff you in a bathroom stall... only I prefer roofies. And the note would be fucking AWESOME... little cryptic... no blood! I need that! lipstick maybe written on your back and ass, backwards... so you don't see it until you get home to shower... Granted you shower after sex. Which, well, I hope you do.

Jesus am I on to my third guess in your bag yet?

The Dum-Dum... ever heard of a twist, taste, and tempt? Im sure you've done it but never heard it called that before... It's where the girl gets just lubricated enough to slide the dum-dum between her pussy lips and spins it, then offers it to you.

maybe id do that, or maybe not.

You never told me what youd do with your second guess.... come on, you have to have something neat to do with the twine and thermometer.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Mailbag........ #2

Its time to reach back into the mail bag for another Dear Johnny addition.. which was highly successful in helping Jungle Jane.. ...ok... reaching..... ok... well .. one fucking letter... thats great... jesus.. from shane ..January 18th.... ...... ok... lets see what it says..

Dear Johnny,

What is wrong with PBC? Seriously, I’ve been friends with that dude for over 20 years and I can never quite put my finger on it. He’s really fucked in the head.

-Cap’n Scumbag

Dear Shane,

Thanks for writing in... Ok normally I would tell you to have a baby and give it to PBC to solve his problem.. but.. lets not and do a
society favor..

.... lets examine this question..... What is wrong with PBC? ....

Well shane have you ever considered you’re the problem? .. In fact the more I read this.. the more i hear your selfish crys for help.. ... This isn't about PBC... and i'm going to tell you the real problem.. So lets drop the facade and focus on the real problem ....... no....... not the fact you have man crushes on shawn, derrick thomas's dead corpse and elle. ...and repress it.... the other one.....

Your a selfish bitch... the second most common problem among to ...... awkward sex that you thought was a good idea at the time because it was suggested by a third party after a night of heavy heavy drinking.....

Its not
your fault you don't understand PBC.. and don't feel bad about calling him Trent Green that night.. I'm sure you had a lot on your mind at the time... and you were just ready to blow your load on his back.... look we all understand... it was first day of football the Chiefs took a beating and you got all hot while Trent Green laided there unconisous.. thinking what you could get away with on his body... just like you did Derrick Thomas's corpse..

So shane your probably wondering.... "Why is don't i understand PBC? and is it wrong for me fantasize about Trent Green on his back spread eagle?"

what you fail to relieze is that you and PBC are not on the same level... and you never will be.. He is a higher being than you.... once you relieze PBC is on a higher intellectual plane and you are just bringing him down to your gutter level... you'll relieze its you that's the round peg trying to fit in the square hole all this time.. and that's why no one loves you and everyone thinks you’re an ass... because you don't fit in...

You need to see PBC like the rest of us.... and quit riding his coatails... the man is a fucking poet.. he's the Andrei Codrescu of Bonner Springs... the Jack Collom of our generation... let's look at some actual PBC quotes...


You should've known to zip the tent behind you Cokbreath! You get any Cock hair stuck in yur teeth...


.... beautiful.. just........ ..just.... fucking beautiful......... words that speak to the masses....... I would translate for you simplitons but my words wouldn't do it justice... only tibetian monks know its beauty and power.... now lets look at some of your actual quotes, shane..

i do need to get laid

drunk? it's 3:30 in the afternoon!

we only roll with beautiful people. i still don't know how i fit in this group. oh well.

look at my pasty heroin addict looking self.

yeah..... ......... mind dazzling..... oh.. really speaks volumes of you... you might as well just shit on paper and mail it in for us.. look at your comments... they are all about you.. and they are selfish... your selfishness is the problem.. not PBC
Let's see ... another way I can break this to you shane.... Movies?.........

Your ben affleck (fat version).. and PBC is Will Hunting.. you are fucking holding him back from his potential to be great... you should pray he doesn't walk out that back door in the morning and go to work with you... so he can cure cancer like god intended..

PBC is definitely Rainman definitely.. you are a crazy scienetologist definitely trying to make money off of him at vegas claiming to be related definitely... you sic sic definitely sic bastard .. Just let him count definitely on his own and talk about definitely.. quit trying to control him.. definitely... definitely controling... yep.

PBC is Rickey Bobby and true american hero that loves to think about jesus in a baby form and inspiring all of us to kick French people's ass and make out to White Snake videos. You are Cal Naughton, Jr.. just being a selfish prick and fucking PBCs wife...

Well here's my advice. You know you say... I’ve been friends with that dude for over 20 years and I can never quite put my finger on it....

.. try putting your finger on a trigger.. and see what happens......... Pull the fucking trigger already............. ........... pull it...... ..... no seriously... look at PBC... ..... look at you..... and relieze your the problem........ and grab that gun....... stick it in a hole........... and........ just.............. sit there for 3 or 4......... days.. weeks maybe.... see what happens..................

well i hope that solves your selfishness problem shane.. let me know how it works..


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