Mailbag........ #2

Its time to reach back into the mail bag for another Dear Johnny addition.. which was highly successful in helping Jungle Jane.. ...ok... reaching..... ok... well .. one fucking letter... thats great... jesus.. from shane ..January 18th.... ...... ok... lets see what it says..



Dear Johnny,


What is wrong with PBC? Seriously, I’ve been friends with that dude for over 20 years and I can never quite put my finger on it. He’s really fucked in the head.


-Cap’n Scumbag



Dear Shane,

Thanks for writing in... Ok normally I would tell you to have a baby and give it to PBC to solve his problem.. but.. lets not and do a society favor..

.... lets examine this question..... What is wrong with PBC? ....

Well shane have you ever considered you’re the problem? .. In fact the more I read this.. the more i hear your selfish crys for help.. ... This isn't about PBC... and i'm going to tell you the real problem.. So lets drop the facade and focus on the real problem ....... no....... not the fact you have man crushes on shawn, derrick thomas's dead corpse and elle. ...and repress it.... the other one.....

Your a selfish bitch... the second most common problem among friends...next to ...... awkward sex that you thought was a good idea at the time because it was suggested by a third party after a night of heavy heavy drinking.....

Its not your fault you don't understand PBC.. and don't feel bad about calling him Trent Green that night.. I'm sure you had a lot on your mind at the time... and you were just ready to blow your load on his back.... look we all understand... it was first day of football the Chiefs took a beating and you got all hot while Trent Green laided there unconisous.. thinking what you could get away with on his body... just like you did Derrick Thomas's corpse..

So shane your probably wondering.... "Why is don't i understand PBC? and is it wrong for me fantasize about Trent Green on his back spread eagle?"

what you fail to relieze is that you and PBC are not on the same level... and you never will be.. He is a higher being than you.... once you relieze PBC is on a higher intellectual plane and you are just bringing him down to your gutter level... you'll relieze its you that's the round peg trying to fit in the square hole all this time.. and that's why no one loves you and everyone thinks you’re an ass... because you don't fit in...

You need to see PBC like the rest of us.... and quit riding his coatails... the man is a fucking poet.. he's the Andrei Codrescu of Bonner Springs... the Jack Collom of our generation... let's look at some actual PBC quotes...

SHS SMELLS LIKE A LIVER N ONION SANDWICH THAT JUANITA CARRIED AROUND IN A BROWN BAG FER TWO DAYS AND THEN LET FESTER IN SR. MARGARITE'S PUSSY FER AN HOUR.... GROSS!!!!!! I MADE MYSELF GAG...

You should've known to zip the tent behind you Cokbreath! You get any Cock hair stuck in yur teeth...

GO FUCK A COON!

.... beautiful.. just........ ..just.... fucking beautiful......... words that speak to the masses....... I would translate for you simplitons but my words wouldn't do it justice... only tibetian monks know its beauty and power.... now lets look at some of your actual quotes, shane..

i do need to get laid

drunk? it's 3:30 in the afternoon!

we only roll with beautiful people. i still don't know how i fit in this group. oh well.

look at my pasty heroin addict looking self.

yeah..... ......... mind dazzling..... oh.. really speaks volumes of you... you might as well just shit on paper and mail it in for us.. look at your comments... they are all about you.. and they are selfish... your selfishness is the problem.. not PBC
ok....
Let's see ... another way I can break this to you shane.... Movies?.........

Your ben affleck (fat version).. and PBC is Will Hunting.. you are fucking holding him back from his potential to be great... you should pray he doesn't walk out that back door in the morning and go to work with you... so he can cure cancer like god intended..

PBC is definitely Rainman definitely.. you are a crazy scienetologist definitely trying to make money off of him at vegas claiming to be related definitely... you sic sic definitely sic bastard .. Just let him count definitely on his own and talk about definitely.. quit trying to control him.. definitely... definitely controling... yep.

PBC is Rickey Bobby and true american hero that loves to think about jesus in a baby form and inspiring all of us to kick French people's ass and make out to White Snake videos. You are Cal Naughton, Jr.. just being a selfish prick and fucking PBCs wife...

Well here's my advice. You know you say... I’ve been friends with that dude for over 20 years and I can never quite put my finger on it....

.. try putting your finger on a trigger.. and see what happens......... Pull the fucking trigger already............. ........... pull it...... ..... no seriously... look at PBC... ..... look at you..... and relieze your the problem........ and grab that gun....... stick it in a hole........... and........ just.............. sit there for 3 or 4......... days.. weeks maybe.... see what happens..................

well i hope that solves your selfishness problem shane.. let me know how it works..

Menace



Anyone else experiencing problems and need free evil, bad, retarded, dangerous, unhealthy advice. Send your worries to johnnymenace@gmail.com