Letters from a forgotten friend .......... 86'
Dear Menace,
Hey man..Thought you would never here from me again did you.. Its me, Bumblebee. How are things? Look .. i know.. I know this letter is coming out of left field for you.. you've probably forgotten about me after all these years... and i'm not writing for anything like money or a place to crash.. i'm doing good on my own .. great ac
tually.. I dance.. professionally.. i'm a professional dancer in Los Angeles.. I make my own hours and the money is great.. just great... look at me ranting here.. Ok.. deep breaths...
Ok.. The reason i'm writing you is because it was recommended by my therapist.. I'm trying to make big strides in my life.. i'm engaged and getting married in Boston soon.. and Larry and I don't want to bring any baggage into our relationship.. so there's a few things i need to get off my 4 cylinder engine..
Why.. why did you make me do those things.. those evil.. horrible things? you made me kill.. you made me into a monster..
Fighting Decepticons is one thing.. we just get some body damage and then we get repaired and an oil change... but for god shakes you made us fight GI Joes, He-Man, and MASK... flesh and blood.. they are made out of flesh and blood.. we shoot lasers and weigh over 8 tons... What in the hell were you thinking??? and before the Sand Hill Battle you fucking sold me to the Decepticons to fight with them... Why? why did you abandon me like that? I thought you cared for me...
Do you know what they did to me that night when you left me in the box with them... do you know what a Decepticon welcoming is like?? Do you? Well i'm going to FUCKING tell you... They beat me and raped me... My innocence was lost that cold night inside a plastic tub in your closet... I died that night.. want to know what Megatron turns into a fucking gun so he can shove himself down your tailpipe...
and then ... and then the next day.. you turned my heart black and made me kill.. I was forced to sneak up behind Quick Kick.. fucking quick kick.. the only asian on the JOES.. and you made me sneak up behind him.. I'm a goddam eight ton piece of metal ..how am i suppose to sneak? and what was it you made me say.. my battlecry if you will... "no fwied wice for you! die gook! die!".. I can't even look at an oriental person because of that... and i love asian food.. I can't go into an asian restraunt because i know all the asians in there are looking at me and saying "There's the bastard that killed Quick Kick... let's give him the dog parts"
You owe me answers,
Bumble Bee
P.S. we are registered at Dillards, Bed Bath Beyond, Pottery barn, and AutoZone
P.P.S did you know its pps instead of pss or else it sounds like somebody taking a leak on a campfire instead of a stutter.
P.P.P.S can you give Optimus hugs and kisses from me.. does he talk about me?
P.P.P.P.S i saw your 2 letters to Snake Eyes on your blog that's how i knew to reach you?
Hey man..Thought you would never here from me again did you.. Its me, Bumblebee. How are things? Look .. i know.. I know this letter is coming out of left field for you.. you've probably forgotten about me after all these years... and i'm not writing for anything like money or a place to crash.. i'm doing good on my own .. great ac
tually.. I dance.. professionally.. i'm a professional dancer in Los Angeles.. I make my own hours and the money is great.. just great... look at me ranting here.. Ok.. deep breaths...Ok.. The reason i'm writing you is because it was recommended by my therapist.. I'm trying to make big strides in my life.. i'm engaged and getting married in Boston soon.. and Larry and I don't want to bring any baggage into our relationship.. so there's a few things i need to get off my 4 cylinder engine..
Why.. why did you make me do those things.. those evil.. horrible things? you made me kill.. you made me into a monster..
Fighting Decepticons is one thing.. we just get some body damage and then we get repaired and an oil change... but for god shakes you made us fight GI Joes, He-Man, and MASK... flesh and blood.. they are made out of flesh and blood.. we shoot lasers and weigh over 8 tons... What in the hell were you thinking??? and before the Sand Hill Battle you fucking sold me to the Decepticons to fight with them... Why? why did you abandon me like that? I thought you cared for me...
Do you know what they did to me that night when you left me in the box with them... do you know what a Decepticon welcoming is like?? Do you? Well i'm going to FUCKING tell you... They beat me and raped me... My innocence was lost that cold night inside a plastic tub in your closet... I died that night.. want to know what Megatron turns into a fucking gun so he can shove himself down your tailpipe...
and then ... and then the next day.. you turned my heart black and made me kill.. I was forced to sneak up behind Quick Kick.. fucking quick kick.. the only asian on the JOES.. and you made me sneak up behind him.. I'm a goddam eight ton piece of metal ..how am i suppose to sneak? and what was it you made me say.. my battlecry if you will... "no fwied wice for you! die gook! die!".. I can't even look at an oriental person because of that... and i love asian food.. I can't go into an asian restraunt because i know all the asians in there are looking at me and saying "There's the bastard that killed Quick Kick... let's give him the dog parts"
You owe me answers,
Bumble Bee
P.S. we are registered at Dillards, Bed Bath Beyond, Pottery barn, and AutoZone
P.P.S did you know its pps instead of pss or else it sounds like somebody taking a leak on a campfire instead of a stutter.
P.P.P.S can you give Optimus hugs and kisses from me.. does he talk about me?
P.P.P.P.S i saw your 2 letters to Snake Eyes on your blog that's how i knew to reach you?
posted by Johnny Menace at 11:11 AM
16 Comments:
hey, i've read this before!
I loved this at the lounge... I was sad when it disappeared.
So tell me Johnny, can you answer the question I proposed to the lounge?
What does it feel like to be raped by a decepticon?
scum - i forgot have our memebers can't read... i'll look for a funny picture of some cucumbers so every one can make cock jokes.
EM - We'll see.. i'll write bumble bee and ask... my guess would be it feels like being raped by a catholic priest or scott baio in a red barn with anything goes for the first 5 mintues rule...
And when does that rule start? In five minutes?
obviously you've never owed the devil anything... normally its fifteen mintues anything goes in the barn..
ok.
Leave my wife alone you bitch.
or i'll punch your fucking face in.
EN - guess you never saw that SNL skit.
jen - you just refered to me as Tom Guiry.. have you seen where is movie career as dropped to... 2 more years and he's going softcore porn for Penthouse... and he'll still be called smalls.
cloudy - john.. look.. its just origami lessons..
Or maybe I did Johnny.... I was just assuming the position.
Or maybe I did Johnny.... I was just assuming the position.
And I thought he was going to ask you if he could borrow any money, those fucking transformers!
Holy shit. Dude, Menace, it's BUMBLEBEE!!!!
Man I have so many of those dudes around here somewhere....
He was one of the wee ones back in the day.... but he got a lot of tv time.... must have known a producer or something....
No way, I didn't know that about Smalls! Really...porn??? OMG! Now I will never look at him the same way again!
hey, what about you?
Are you going to post some article again ?
em - you need to cordinate better with your body double.
becky - no.. its normally one of the JOES that needs money.. spending their govt check on booze and medical needs... post tramatic stress my ass.
wes - a good handjob will get you far in hollywood... or so i hear.. we should ask buttah she's jewish.. she would know.
jen - one of the many tragic stories of child actors.
ostrich - what about me?
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