The Aristocrats

Finally I saw this fucking movie.... and i cried. If you haven't seen this movie or don't plan to ever see it.... then i advise you to stop reading now....... stop.... just scroll to the bottom and read the last two sentences and leave a comment.......... ............. ..... go on............ ...............bye ............ and while i'm at it if you saw Brokeback Mountian or starred in it, yes i'm talking to you Gyllenhaal, scroll down to the bottom... in fact just leave this blog if you thought that piece of shit movie was so great... Damn you Gyllenhaal ... you were Donnie Darko.. Donnie Darko man....... now look what you sunk to.. gay cowboy...... why? to push the envelope with gay cowboys?... that's nothing new. Barry and Ira Shalowitz in City Slickers, Roy Rogers, Any country music star with highlights and make up, The Village People.......... i could go on but you get the point.. so why Jake? you owe me an explanation... now your going to be remember for

"God, I wish I knew how to quit you!"

I hope your happy... now what the fuck was i talking about.

Ok so basically the movie is 100 comics telling the same joke. The only thing that is the same is the begining and punchline, while each comics makes up the between...... and let me take the time to say Bob Saget filthiest comic in this thing.... I think he even says send that to the Olsen twins after he's done telling the joke. Its like you see his alter ego he had to form to stay sane after playing Danny Tanner for so many years and hosting America's funniest videos........... the man has no filter... i bet he's thinking of fucking children in a clown suit right now..

So I thought what the hell let's tell the joke... Email me your version and I'll post it to show people how fucked up you are.

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A man walks into a talent agents office and says that he has an act. The agent says well what do you do in the act. The man says

Great... let me go ahead and show you I have the whole family outside.. Well first my 12 year old son walks out with a 30ft ladder and a sack full of corn. He weighs the corn in front of the auidence its normally is around 16lbs, sets up the ladder and climbs to the top with the corn and starts eating. While he's doing this my 9 year old daughter rides in on a ariabian horse wearing a white dress and pearl necklace, cute as can be, the spotlight signs on her and she starts singing Twinkle Twinkle little star, acapella of course.

Then my wife walks my grandfather, he's 88 hard to walk around, walks him out and places him behind my daughter, pulls down his pants, give him a rusty trombone and then he starts masturbating. Then I walk out in nothing but golf shoes with my golf bag and 2 clubs a driver and a putter. I set my bag down and my wife walks over and starts giving me head until my daughter finshes Twinkle Twinkle little star or until i nut on the crowd, helps to get the audience involved.

Then my daughter starts singing new song Bohemian Rhapsody, I take out driver, my wife walks 15ft to the left of me stirps down to nothing and i start driving golf balls at her ass. As I try to drive balls in my wife's asshole, my son finishes the bag of corn and a shit from the 30ft ladder on to me causing me to give the perfect swing and drive a golf ball in my wife's asshole and yells ONE IN HOLE, she's dyslexic and starts eating the corn shit off of me and spitting it out into a big pile. A ocasionally vomint on her because lets face it....... thats gross. My sons climbs off the ladder and grabs another bag, this time full of peanuts and climbs back up and starts eating.

While my daughter goes into the guitar solo of Bohemian Rhapsody my dog comes out dragging my grandmother who we put in a wheelbarrow. Then I start fucking my dog and then he fucks me. My son finishes his peanuts and takes a shit from a top the ladder it lands perfectly alongside the pile of cornshit that my wife has made.

Right about this time my daughter gets to the "nothing really matters" lyrics and goes into a classic Freddie Mecury stance while my grandfather shoots cum over her head. Then my daughter stands by the pile of shit peanuts, while my dog gets by the shit with corn. I say go and they begin picking out the peanuts and corn with their teeth and putting it back in the bag. Then i ass fuck the winner. 9 times out of 10 its the dog. When we all form a ciricle around grandma hold hands and sing Jesus Loves Me this i know and start to vomit, cum, piss, and shit on her., and it doesn't bother her because she's dead. Then I take my putter and beat the horse my daughter rode in on until she cries or until the curtian drops.

The agent turns to the man and says, that's interesting what do you call the act?

The Aristocrats