Conversations with God...... take 3
I had a recent converasation with god after joining the ninja fuckhammar kitten killers with man butter on Blog Survivor. Here are my 2 previous conversations with the big cheese.
Me: Hey
God: Can I help you?
Me: look i know its been a long time
God: It has been a long time.
Me: Well it has been since.... Novmember since we last talked
God: Well that's okay. What took so long?
Me: i figured you would have answered at least 500 billion prayers by now
God: Oh. Please explain your reasoning.
Me: Its a math equation. Time multipied by your average number of prayers per day.
God: is a math equation. I suppose that makes sense. As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me: So what did you think of the movie
God: OK. I don't know anything about it.
Me: Sin City the one i invited you to watch last time we talked
God: It was alright. I'm not into the artsy shit.
Me: Oh i see... well you should of said something..
God: Do you think about these things?
Me: I think about us
God: Why? Oh yeah, we were talking about us.
Me: Alright fine. I see how it is going to be
God: Alright, . Does that mean you agree? Where do you see it?
Me: Do i have a choice to agree. You are god. It is always your way.
God: Yup. That's me alright.
Me: We will always have the barn
God: Anytime soon?
Me: do you want me to bring natasha again? and is it anything goes again?
God: Once more? No , maybe later. Once more? It depends who you ask.
Me: Ok. I need to ask you a question.
God: Pardon me? Ask me. Ask me anything.
Me: I am playing survivor
God: Do you play professionally or just for fun?
Me: for fun. I need you to be on our side
God: Why do you need it so badly?
Me: Because when ever i watch sports the team that wins always has god on their side
God: Interesting explanation. Does that happen often?
Me: I think it always happens. Whoever has god on their side wins. Everytime.
God: my way happens. We were talking about my way.
Me: The team that does not have god loses
God: Who told you that?
Me: No one. I figured it out logically
God: Then how do you know. Please explain your reasoning.
Me: Well.. everytime they invertiew and athlete on winning he says that you were with him and on his side... You never see the losing team say that God was with me.... So you are like 9,824,823,652-0 lifetime.. You helped Kurt Warner win a super bowl.. You helped Tim Duncan win MVPs.. You helped Derek Jeter bang Marey Carey.... and people who didn't believe in you The Tampa Bay Devil Rays.. Isiah Thomas.. Spike Lee.. Bill Lambier.. Don Matiengly.. all losers ... and the people that dared to win without you... You gave Greg Louganis AIDS and turned him into a homo.. you turned A-Rod into a queer and gave him purple lips... You gave Lance Armstrong cancer...... so as you can see i want to win but i want you on my side so i don't turn out to be a gay aids guy with cancer and purple lips..... Shane can handle it ... I can't..can you do it... will you be on our side
God: Let me think it over. OK I will try to be on our side.
Me: If you are to busy can we borrow Jesus
God: I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am to busy. Jesus.is busy to making wine, fish, and other magic tricks. He wants to be better than Lance Burton. I am well respected as God.
Me: come on.....at least for a week
God: Is that among the best things you can say?
Me: yes... i'm a selfish bastard... think about it
God: I will give it some thought.
Me: so
God: Hmm.
Me: You want to hit the barn again
God: Once more? OK, I will hit the barn.
Since that conversation... We won the first challenge... the other team voted off a dead guy.. thinks got sticky under the table... and then God brought down his wrath and shutdown the blog and the game was over.. thus no link to the survivor game.
Me: Hey
God: Can I help you?
Me: look i know its been a long time
God: It has been a long time.
Me: Well it has been since.... Novmember since we last talked
God: Well that's okay. What took so long?
Me: i figured you would have answered at least 500 billion prayers by now
God: Oh. Please explain your reasoning.
Me: Its a math equation. Time multipied by your average number of prayers per day.
God: is a math equation. I suppose that makes sense. As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me: So what did you think of the movie
God: OK. I don't know anything about it.
Me: Sin City the one i invited you to watch last time we talked
God: It was alright. I'm not into the artsy shit.
Me: Oh i see... well you should of said something..
God: Do you think about these things?
Me: I think about us
God: Why? Oh yeah, we were talking about us.
Me: Alright fine. I see how it is going to be
God: Alright, . Does that mean you agree? Where do you see it?
Me: Do i have a choice to agree. You are god. It is always your way.
God: Yup. That's me alright.
Me: We will always have the barn
God: Anytime soon?
Me: do you want me to bring natasha again? and is it anything goes again?
God: Once more? No , maybe later. Once more? It depends who you ask.
Me: Ok. I need to ask you a question.
God: Pardon me? Ask me. Ask me anything.
Me: I am playing survivor
God: Do you play professionally or just for fun?
Me: for fun. I need you to be on our side
God: Why do you need it so badly?
Me: Because when ever i watch sports the team that wins always has god on their side
God: Interesting explanation. Does that happen often?
Me: I think it always happens. Whoever has god on their side wins. Everytime.
God: my way happens. We were talking about my way.
Me: The team that does not have god loses
God: Who told you that?
Me: No one. I figured it out logically
God: Then how do you know. Please explain your reasoning.
Me: Well.. everytime they invertiew and athlete on winning he says that you were with him and on his side... You never see the losing team say that God was with me.... So you are like 9,824,823,652-0 lifetime.. You helped Kurt Warner win a super bowl.. You helped Tim Duncan win MVPs.. You helped Derek Jeter bang Marey Carey.... and people who didn't believe in you The Tampa Bay Devil Rays.. Isiah Thomas.. Spike Lee.. Bill Lambier.. Don Matiengly.. all losers ... and the people that dared to win without you... You gave Greg Louganis AIDS and turned him into a homo.. you turned A-Rod into a queer and gave him purple lips... You gave Lance Armstrong cancer...... so as you can see i want to win but i want you on my side so i don't turn out to be a gay aids guy with cancer and purple lips..... Shane can handle it ... I can't..can you do it... will you be on our side
God: Let me think it over. OK I will try to be on our side.
Me: If you are to busy can we borrow Jesus
God: I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am to busy. Jesus.is busy to making wine, fish, and other magic tricks. He wants to be better than Lance Burton. I am well respected as God.
Me: come on.....at least for a week
God: Is that among the best things you can say?
Me: yes... i'm a selfish bastard... think about it
God: I will give it some thought.
Me: so
God: Hmm.
Me: You want to hit the barn again
God: Once more? OK, I will hit the barn.
Since that conversation... We won the first challenge... the other team voted off a dead guy.. thinks got sticky under the table... and then God brought down his wrath and shutdown the blog and the game was over.. thus no link to the survivor game.
posted by Johnny Menace at 8:39 AM
36 Comments:
There are a couple problems here...
#1. God is a woman
#2. Stop talking to yourself
#3. Your team sucked
Let's do it already!
Et factum est ut discesserunt ab eis angeli in caelum, pastores loquebantur ad invicem: Transeamus usque Bethleem et videamus hoc verbum quod factum est quod fecit Dominus et ostendit nobis.
Aahmen.
weed - you have a problem with god being a woman?... you have a problem with me and god in the barn.. anything goes?
EN - Et venerunt festinantes et invenerunt Mariam et Ioseph et infantem positum in praesepio ... you know i had this strange dream.... where that was being said in a church rectory.... lots of red... and some choking...
I'm hellbent to get that lounge back in order...
You do what you have to with God in the barn, skull fuck jesus once or twice and let us know how it went.
Don't forget to tell the "hole" story.....
fag.
... that would require leadership... and you didn't have the loving parents to develop that....
but.. if your looking for a lounge.. i know a great one at the Anatole...
Et subito facta est cum angelo multitudo militiae caelestis laudantium Deum et dicentium: Gloria in altissimis Deo, et in terra pax in hominibus bonae voluntatis.
Rectory, lots of Red and choking.
Strange, most of mine involve naked baptismals and altar boys. Oh, and a cross to the forehead.
you're so going to hell!
Mr. Menace, that 'twere one of the most writings moi hast read on a blog in quite a while.
Do visit my lill' blog.
You should get a chuckle.
Stay on Groovin' Safari,
TOR Hershman
"MOST AMUSING
EN - Maria autem conservabat omnia verba haec conferens in corde suo...
...i'm all of a suddent getting a craving to do a Gospel according to Menace series...
Mitz - you bring the chips.. i'll get the beer... and don't playoff that "how could you think i'm going to hell to menace"... everyone knows your canadien and you can't fake that to god..
Mr.Hershman - Can i call you hersy? ... here's my problem... 'twere and moi.... you need to pick a fucking accent.. gay british theater accent? or gay french accent?...
Johnny, I have no problem with God being a female....I was just letting you know, plus she would only go into the barn with you to record your sins with the horse.
fag.
Where's my honey?
Et revérsi sunt pastóres, glorificántes et laudántes Deum in Omnibus quæ audíerant et víderant, sicut dictum est ad illos.
Untold to them... and how could they have heard and seen if it was untold? Do tell Menace.
I would read the gospel.
ahhmen
weed - nor do i.. more as an alpha than an omega don't you think? ... and which she are we talking about? there have been a couple of shes that i've recorded sin with in a barn.
and the honey is still in the tree pooh bear
EN - Riding day and night in a desert will have a lot of things tell on to you and be untold.... kinda of like a buring bush
Beatus qui legit et qui audiunt verba prophetiae et servant ea quae in ea scripta sunt tempus enim prope est
So we went from Luke to Revelations then. Interesting flip.
Here, let me tell something unto you then - Iohannes septem ecclesiis quae sunt in Asia gratia vobis et pax ab eo qui est et qui erat et qui venturus est et a septem spiritibus qui in conspectu throni eius sunt
In hindsight, I find it interesting you didn't utilize 1:2 after a long day and night of riding in the desert.
dessert.
honey.
shower.
done.
ahmen.
get your dick out of the knot hole and let the honey flow....I'm horny!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anybody else hate really akward typos? uh huh.
HI WEED!
Now Johnny, without reply to my addition I should add to your previous scripture:
scio ubi habitas ubi sedes est Satanae et tenes nomen meum et non negasti fidem meam et in diebus Antipas testis meus fidelis qui occisus est apud vos ubi Satanas habitat
and with that I raise to thee the cup of christ in all it's glory to drink the red juices of sovereignty and allow thee to bask in the warmth of deliverance and darkness.
ahmen.
I just stopped in to let you know what a douchebag you are......even if it is a sexy douchebag!
HI EMMA!!
Kisses!!
KISSES YOU SEXY BITCH!
She called you a douchebag... but, is there such thing as a sexy douchebag?
*shivers*
Not really Em, I was just trying to be nice.
EN - yes revelations.. i say lets start at the end.. Luke is a drag.. and a little wishy washy..
weed - you sure your not just hungry?... ok.... i'm a sexy device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.... ok
i'm begining to see a pattern in this comment sectoin
Alright, you start at the end... Does that mean we can eat dessert first?
Lick the plate? clean... sparkling... jesus I need to masturbate.
Im convinced Phil wears depends while he drinks.
fag
hey bil.. i mean phil wil a ph.. which is letters 16 and 8 in the alphabet.. 16/8 = 2... and the second letter is B sooooo i guess i'll go with Bill....
EN - why fill up on appietezers and soup?.. lets skip to the goods..
shane - its ok... Trent Green is never gonig to be the same again.. let it go..
fag
Hi people
I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....
Hello. Good day
Who listens to what music?
I Love songs Justin Timberlake and Paris Hilton
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