Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Letters from a forgotten friend .......... 86'

Dear Menace,

Hey man..Thought you would never here from me again did you.. Its me, Bumblebee. How are things? Look .. i know.. I know this letter is coming out of left field for you.. you've probably forgotten about me after all these years... and i'm not writing for anything like money or a place to crash.. i'm doing good on my own .. great ac
tually.. I dance.. professionally.. i'm a professional dancer in Los Angeles.. I make my own hours and the money is great.. just great... look at me ranting here.. Ok.. deep breaths...

Ok.. The reason i'm writing you is because it was recommended by my therapist.. I'm trying to make big strides in my life.. i'm engaged and getting married in Boston soon.. and Larry and I don't want to bring any baggage into our relationship.. so there's a few things i need to get off my 4 cylinder engine..

Why.. why did you make me do those things.. those evil.. horrible things? you made me kill.. you made me into a monster..

Fighting Decepticons is one thing.. we just get some body damage and then we get repaired and an oil change... but for god shakes you made us fight GI Joes, He-Man, and MASK... flesh and blood.. they are made out of flesh and blood.. we shoot lasers and weigh over 8 tons... What in the hell were you thinking??? and before the Sand Hill Battle you fucking sold me to the Decepticons to fight with them... Why? why did you abandon me like that? I thought you cared for me...

Do you know what they did to me that night when you left me in the box with them... do you know what a Decepticon welcoming is like?? Do you? Well i'm going to FUCKING tell you... They beat me and raped me... My innocence was lost that cold night inside a plastic tub in your closet... I died that night.. want to know what Megatron turns into a fucking gun so he can shove himself down your tailpipe...

and then ... and then the next day.. you
turned my heart black and made me kill.. I was forced to sneak up behind Quick Kick.. fucking quick kick.. the only asian on the JOES.. and you made me sneak up behind him.. I'm a goddam eight ton piece of metal ..how am i suppose to sneak? and what was it you made me say.. my battlecry if you will... "no fwied wice for you! die gook! die!".. I can't even look at an oriental person because of that... and i love asian food.. I can't go into an asian restraunt because i know all the asians in there are looking at me and saying "There's the bastard that killed Quick Kick... let's give him the dog parts"

You owe me answers,

Bumble Bee

P.S. we are registered at Dillards, Bed Bath Beyond, Pottery barn, and AutoZone

P.P.S did you know its pps instead of pss or else it sounds like somebody taking a leak on a campfire instead of a stutter.
P.P.P.S can you give Optimus hugs and kisses from me.. does he talk about me?
P.P.P.P.S i saw your 2 letters to Snake Eyes on your blog that's how i knew to reach you?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

He's so Wonwey

Nice.... North Korea has officaly gone bat shit.. Hopefully this will give you some insight on what will end this missle crisis.

Did you get that John Bolton?... forget the 6 party talks... and all of that negoiating bullshit.. fly Julia Roberts out to North Korea.. dress up like in Pretty Woman and let Kim Jong Ill have her.. A lot of testostrone brewing in that man.. (have you ever seen him around women) He obviously needs to bust a nut.. and that's right Julia Roberts is time to pay your debt to society for making movies like Stell Magonolis, Pretty Woman, Notting Hill, My best friends wedding, American Sweethearts and having every guy (inculdnig me) having to see it at the movies or having to sit through the entire movie when it comes on TV.............. The way i figure it you every straight american male $583.34 or you can bang Kim Jong Ill and we'll call it even.
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