Saturday, December 31, 2005

The 05' Menace blog in review

So its not an entire year but its The 05' Menace blog in review. Why not start with highlights of the months

June - The first posting I think is apporiate when greeting yourself to stangers to just comeout and so a picture of you getting hammered. You know.. "Hi I'm Menace here's a picture of how much i can drink, what i like to drink, what i look like when i drink..... wanna go get some drinks?"(readers would later learn that is my only pair of clothes)..... Also in June i teach everyone how to protect themselves from sharks. ..... Perdita hints that she might be on acid "At one point I thought a shark was gonna get me through the monitor. I was wondering why else it would be wet."

July - One of my best months of blogging. I educate the masses on the birth of the 4th of July and what a soapie is. Pissed off no-l (apparantly people were sensitive about Hurricanes) Acutioned off my friend Tombo in "Win a date with Tombo" to Mel (i think that date is suppose to happen in 4 weeks... i'll have to check with tombo and the wound has healed into a nice scar). Had my first edition TV dad fight night, Bundy vs Tanner (one of my favorite post of this year by far) We all found out who was fucking Gibbler after that.... thanks Buttah for adding on "FINE! get over here, whip it out and let me do my thang.jesus. so demanding.who hasn't fucked gilber?

August - All i was thinking about that year was vacation. I went to Puerto Vallerta.... Not much going on. I remember claiming you could save the world and clone gas....... hmmmmmm.... same month I talked about rubbing veggie dip on your nuts while watching Roger Rabbit... Puerto will do strange things to you.. all i can say is Ricea... But i will highlight the love spat between white devil and larin von smartass in this post... love was in the air.

September - My first edition of Mom's box of random shit (we find out Mitzee is not into girls, and da buttah's mom is a crack head.... a chocolate thong can really bring out the truth in people). The most racial comment is made this year by the wedding party ""Maybe their asses will float back to Africa", which resulted in the NAACP emailing me.... thanks PBC.. Bundy wins the Bundy vs Tanner fight and God and I have a chat.

October - Mom's 2nd box of random shit comes in (Larin Von Smartass cotimplates being gagged "i dont know, if i had a gag ball in my mouth, i think i might be a bit timid"). The wedding party finally comes through with their drinking contest. Snake Eyes and I start talking again. An Amber Alert goes out for white devil and the search begins.... G-lo sums it up best "WD has given us so, so much...." while shane says "if he reunites EMF, i'm gonna kill him myself"

November - I get a dog.... name her Kylie, other dog name suggestions Peril, bailey, twatwaffle, DCD, liability, bluey, and cuntface ... My favorite suggestion from Postmodern Sleaze
"She deserves a hybrid of every anglosaxon white female name you can think of. Combine Sarah, Amanda, Jennifer, Jessica and Kristine and you will undoutably come up with the perfect name for the little hussy".......... everyone thinks i went missing until i resurface in December.

December - I resurface from searching for White Devil.. Jenn shows her true serial killer self "Scumbag, I told you he was under my bed. He's lying. Johnny, get your ass back under there. I didn't say you could come out!"

So that's the year in review of this blog. Any highlights comments you'd like to point out feel free to let me know, .... Now i'm going to ridiculously drunk and make a new picture to carry in my wallet... and as far a resoultions for this blog... well.. after going to all the old post i noticed that i'm handy at giving advice. Evil, bad, retard, dangerous, unhealthy advice. Starting in 06' people can start emailing me for help and i will give them the best advice i can.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Searching for White Devil (Day 81)

Apparantly my appearance on the Nancy Grace show didn't turn up white devil...

(by the way have you ever seen someone credit the Nancy Grace show for finding someone.... nope me either.. always someone who trips over a hand in the woods or noticed a odd smell for 9 days... its not like the show motivates you to go find these people, you just sit and say
"Damn... that sucks, glad that's not me... I wonder if TBS is going to rerun Ace Ventura tonight" and then you change it to A&E and Dog the Bounty Hunter comes on and you forget all about Ace Ventura coming on, miss it and then all that homemade mayonnaise you made goes to waste........ where am i.... oh... right.. so i decided to hit the streets and find White Devil and some oxycontin because... well it is the holidays.

But when you do these type of search and rescue mission, you need a team, guys you can trust, that have your back because you never go into the unknown all alone..... DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME BUMBLEBEE?? That's why your fucking dead because you had to prove to Otimpus you were a tough guy and go at it alone. I saved 3 weeks allowance to buy you and then you go and fucking die on me like that....... fuck you........... ..... (i need a moment)..... ........ ...... well it had been a while
since i last spoke with some guys i knew who could help me and i lost thier numbers and never really kept in touch like i said... so i picked up the phone book and found someguys looking for work:

Captain Cave Man
Hadji Singh (Johnny Quest)
Steve Sanders

We met at Taco Cabana to discuss plans and other important team things.

(Day 28 11:18:05am)

JM: Hey Steve, how's it going? Glad you could make it.

SS: Well I finally had a break in my schedule.. you know hollywood busy, busy, busy.

JM: Right...... busy.. What are you going to get? I'm going with the breakfast tacos..

SS: The veggie quesadilla looks good.. uhmm.. Can you spot me? I didn't bring any cash.

JM: Don't worry man, they take debt.

SS: Yeah no plastic either.....

JM: You just drove up here in a Ferrari... you don't carry credit cards or cash...

SS: I forgot my wallet.....

JM: ...... Don't lie to me ... your not that good.. That's why you do voice work only now..

SS: ....... I was in Savate....

JM: It went straight to DVD for reason... ..... but sure i'll get you a veggie quesadilla..

SS: and a drink

JM: and a drink... oh looks like Captain Cave man made it.. Hey Capt how's it going this is Steve


SS: I was in 90210..

CC: ..Ungah Bungah

SS: no 90210

CC: .. ug ungah bungah ungah bungah

JM: Is that all you can say and why are you shaped like a hairy peanut?

CC: ..ugnah bungah

JM: I see.. fine with me. Welcome to the team.

SS: ... Welcome to the team? What the hell this guy doesn't speak english and carries a fucking
club around?

JM: Cavey show him the club.

CC: Ungah.

SS: Huh.. look at that..

JM: Yeah a little bird comes out there and does stuff...


JM: Hmmmm ... I'll be damned.. he flies to.... you were saying?

SS: Ok.. welcome aboard.

JM: And looks like the final piece of the team has arrived. Haji.

Haj: Greetings friends.

JM: Hi Haj, nice to meet you in person. This is Steve Sanders and Captain Caveman.

Haj: Please excuse my tardiness I was delayed at the airport. Security kept detaining me.

JM: Come on Haj... You had to expect that .. i mean your wearing a turban on your head. Maybe you should just take that off....

Haj: Don't you ever speak off my turban again

SS: yeah but..

Haj: don't

CC: ungah

Haj: I said drop it......

JM:...... .......... ok.... well we all know why we're here to find White Devil but first... we need a
team name.. suggestions go.

SS: Sanders & Company.. Team Sanders

JM: no and no

CC: Ungah ungah.

JM: I'm not going to acknowledge that.

Haj: Hadji's Heroes.

JM: Hmmm no.

Haj: No.. I was a fucking sidekick for 50 years.. It's my turn damnit.

JM: fix your turban...

If you can think of team name let me know and now I leave you with a
White Devil passage

Yea...My balls...Your chin..."

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