Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Shark Attacks

I love shark attacks what can i say, i'm a sucker. With the 2 most recent attacks the news has reported, the tennesse kid attacked in Cape San Blas, Florida and the 14-year-old that that was killed saturday, i can't get enough. George Burgess, director of the Internation Shark Attack File, is doing his best to prevent a mob going on a shark hunt. He was on the CBS's Early Show recently and had a said a couple things i would like to comment on that the CBS anchors failed to. (that's why your morning blows CBS, sure we all like the Julie Chen, she's hot and asian, at least Diane and Charlie would of have been engaged in what the guy was saying, instead of reading the next softball question off a list you had the intern do) Here's Harry Smith's first question:

"Do you think these 2 attacks were related in anyway?"

George should have pulled off his mic and walked off after that first question. What in the hell is he suppose to say to that?

Great question Harry. This is actually a serial attacker that is lurking around the Florida coast, I advise everyone to stay away from the Florida coast the enjoy attratctions central Florida has to offer, Disney World and ghettos. We believe the attacker preys on young teenagers and is motivated by the 30 year anniversary of Jaws. I have contacted Roy Schieder to see if he will join me and Richard Dreyfus on a small boat to hunt this bull shark killer.

So painfully the interview continues and george talks about why were seeing an increase in shark attacks...

"We're simply flooding sharks out of their own environment"

Come on George.... we're flooding sharks out of the fucking ocean?? We're flooding alligators out of the swamp. yes. We're flooding moose, bears, and other land creatures out of their habitat, but flooding a sea creature out of the ocean is a joke.
After that was addressed they moved on to my favorite part. Tips to avoid shark attacks and what to do when a shark attacks, but i make one last point about the invterview. Harry Smith 2nd questoin.

"Why do sharks attack?"

What the fuck Harry? Were you trying to just eat time? Poor George to has to answer that. To bad he didn't just start singing some Hall and Oates "Maneater" (i'd like to credit tombo for that one)

Harry: "why do sharks attack?"

George: (Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up
(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater

(Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up

(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater

Ok onto tips to avoid shark attack.
  • Stay in a group
  • Avoid the water at dawn and dusk
  • Avoid areas where sharks are known to be present
  • Stay close to shore
Ok i'm only going to touch on a one of these because like you i hate reading. Stay in a group... George goes on to talk elaborate..."They like isolated prey items. If you stay in a group, you will avoid that isolation factor. " .......... ok............

(don't worry kiddos your in a large group)

So your telling me if the people in
Open Water had 2 more people with them those sharks would not have attacked. Am i the only one who watched discovery channel during shark week and notice the great whites finding seals swimming together and ripping them a new asshole? How do you explain Jaws 3 with all those skiers falling in the water together at the asument park and yet they still get attacked? and where is Spielberg been during these attacks shouldn't he be on Leno promoting War of the Worlds? You see cruise everywher promoting this movie. I have yet to see Spielberg. With Jaws 30th anniversary. these attacks. Spielberg's absence to promote his latest movie.....

Next was tips if you encounter shark.
  • Get out of the water if you can
  • Hit the shark
  • Avoid thrashing
  • Make your way toward other people
Hit the shark..... are you serious hit the shark. First i have to calm down and block the fact out of my mind that a shark is coming at me, find my chi, and hit the shark. I don't know about you but my underwater punching sucks and if i was to swing from the air into the water wouldn't that be violating rule #3 "avoid thrashing". I do agree with rule #4 "make your way toward people", hopefully one of them will be slower in the water, frozen from panic, or look like a seal, and get eaten

(all you got to do is punch it in the face before the shark eats you, timing is crucial)

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Crunch Time

T-minus 42 days until Puerto Vallarta and I need to lose this spare tire. Yesterday I started my heroic comeback to getting in shape. Technically i started 2 weeks ago (and thanks to that one person that noticed or was just trying to get money from me), but that stuff 2 weeks ago was just a little running here and there so i won't pass out when i actually started working out.

I'd like to thank my roommate McJake and ole friend Chetticus (who is stuck in Mexico because of a cock fight gambling problem and a love for donkey shows) for the birth of my spare tire. With them i would have never acquired a taste for beer.... at such a young/illegal age.

Then with college came a steady diet of Little Italy's piazza and beer, with a minimum of at least one party at the apartment which ends "why is there sand in my bed?" (college parties to be covered in a later post)--- but while i'm making out the thank you list...... Whenever the composto brothers and i thought the night was going to end with a little south park, sopranos, some madden and a beer for a nightcap, whose was knocking on the door.... Jon. Jon with case or 2 under his arm. Didn't even live there. Next thing you know we play a little beer pong (horrible game by the way) mingle with people outside, ends with drunken madden play, then you wake up saying "why is there sand in my bed?", walk in the living room and Jon's there face down on floor or couch. Oh, and not to mention the midnight run to Taco Bell for 49 cent soft tacos. The way i figure, and i'll have to confirm with the composto brothers, Jon owes us $462.37 in rent not including utilities. Thanks Jon and composto brothers for making sure this spare tire would stay intact.

But what really hurt me was working overnights. Working a midnight-10am shift 4 days out of the week. That will fuck body up. I mean your sleeping pattern alone is jacked. Wake up at 10pm only thing eat if you don't have time to make something is fast food. After your done with the shift all you want to do is go home and sleep. Sunlight hurts your eyes, you sleep in a coffin, start drinking blood, can't have garlic in your pasta anymore. Thank god i work normal hours now.

So after 2 weeks of warming up i'm going to follow a co-worker's advice and lift weights for 15 minutes then run for 60 minutes. He lost 40lbs doing this for some months, but i only need to drop ..... 10lbs i guess... its not like i'm Ralphy May. i'm to self conscious... probably need a tan as well.... i'm to irish to tan, i burn and then i get melanoma. Before i start this regimen i'm off to celebrate McJake's b-day. The ole bastard is 27?? i think.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Re-watchability Drought

Friday after work i hit the bar. Bentley's, one of the most underrated places to drink in Arlington. Its never crowded, you bring 10 friends and you own the place. There is no questionable music on the jukebox at all, you don't have to worry about some drunk getting the courage to pick a Top 90's hits album and play Mr. Big followed by Spin Doctors, and Snow. Darts, TV, jukebox, beer all your basics covered. Anyways.. i'm the second to arrive, my friend Jon is already there. So we grab a beer, or as he would say grab some beers. (Damnit Jon, Its "let's go get some beer", not "let's go get some beers" how in the hell is it plural) So after we play catch up about work, life, wedding stuff, and what not.. we start to touch on serious issues like fantasy football, and movies and then jon brings up "Yo, did you read the latest Simmons article?" (One of my favorite writers Bill Simmons, ESPN 2) I say no and jon goes on to say simmons was answering an important question about the karate kid movie and began to go off on a tagent about a list of re-watchable movies. Movies you could watch 700 times.... like "The Karate Kid" the "Rocky" movies "Dazed & Confused" "Reservoir Dogs" "Top Gun" "Breakfast Club" . Then goes on to talk about a drought of rewatchalbe movies.

if you look at the most re-watchable movies from the past 10 years, the list looks like this: "Rounders," "Boogie Nights," "Good Will Hunting," "Almost Famous" and "Swingers."
Any time one of those five movies comes on, I'm watching. Even if I stumbled in halfway through the movie

Bill goes on to point out that these 5 movies came out between 1996-2000. He goes on to mention possible movies that come close to making the list, such as "Office Space," "The Big Lebowski," "Memento" and "Donnie Darko".. but goes on to classify them as cult movies. "Old School" he deems the closet, but claims the sappy love story involving Luke Wilson ruins it. Which i agree. Couldn't they have taken the Craig Kilborn character and made him head of the rival frat/dean right hand man. Could of taken the love story out give Kilborn a bigger asshole shoes to fill, and let Luke Wilson keep the boss's daughter, and the KY jelly girls. Kilborn made a great asshole in the movie (There is no acting range what so ever here. If you've seen the Kilborn late night show then you know Kilborn was being himself in this movie), his career might be over but he will always have a niche in movies playing assholes. My disgust with Craig deserves its on post.

Here's the link to article.

So naturally Jon and i start naming movies. I said "Fight Club"..... which sounded good at the time, but i got home and looked up Fight Club..... came out in 1999 .. didn't fall under the post 2000 category. Jon counters with Blade 3.... well i don't know if he throwing it up there on the re-watchable list or just asking me what i thought of the movie in general... but regardless Blade falls under the cult genre, not to mention Blade 3 was good because of Ryan Reynolds. Made the movie for me kept waiting to see what would come out of his mouth....

I just have two things to say to you. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a bunch of garlic and I just farted. Silent but deadly.

Unlike other vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina.

and Jessica Biel in the movie doesn't hurt either.... but what the movie is lacking is a Stephen Dorff villain. In the first 2 at least they gave you some background on the vampires, as far as social society, who they work for. The vampires in the movie are just thrown in..... to bring back the "ultimate bad guy" Drake, who is not at all an imposing bad guy. There is no scene where they try to convince us that Drake is evil, remotely sadistic, power hungry...... nothing. Sure, sure i know what your saying "what about that scene when he killed Sommerfield (aka blind girl)" but come on he killed a blind girl, he could of had any of his goons do that. He didn't even get blind girl's kid. That being said Blade i deem not on re-watchable list.

Any suggestions more re-watchable movies 2000- present. Movie you could watch 700 times or

Any time one of those five movies comes on, I'm watching. Even if I stumbled in halfway through the movie

feel free to post it and i discuss it.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Batman Begins

Nice to mole you. Moley, moley, moley. Moooooooole. Posted by Hello

Batman Begins.... outstanding movie all around. The best out of the franchise by far. One thing that bothered me was that mole on Christian Bales face (right between the nose and the eye), i kept waiting for Alfred to wipe it off his face. I mean come on Christian you make millions and you can't get that thing removed, its not like its a beauty mark. But he makes a great Batman and a perfect Bruce Wayne.

I'm sure i'm over reacting it could have been worse. Posted by Hello

Katie Holmes blends in nicely.... no tom cruise images popped in my head thank god, but the deeper purpose babble between her and bale did take me back to Dawson Creek years (if only Dawson would of taken Joey at that party after he crashed his dad's boat she never would have fallen for Pacy).... Anyways Holmes is good. I think she made the movie for McJake, the bastard was elbowing me during a scene where Katie wears a thin silk shirt and no bra, now he can sleep peacefully i guess.

Before seeing the film i was a little down the movie was PG-13, thinking it could be better if it was R, but since it was PG-13 McJake and i didn't have to wait in line to get tickets, which snaked around 6 times. God bless those automated ticket machines, just purchase uno child ticket, no ones there to check your age, its not marked on the ticket, no one checks the price of the ticket when they rip it, and through the gates with 3 bucks saved to blow on popcorn. its a beautiful thing. We had to sit in the freakin bottom tier. The top tier was already full. Still, we sat in the middle always a plus, fourth row, got the cherry coke, twizzlers and McJake has the popcorn. Before the 300 previews came on 2 guys were coming across the third row in front of us, luckily they sat 3 seats to left of us instead of directly in front because they reeked. It was like a mix of grass sweat BO and paint thinner with a hint of wet dog. I don't know how the couple sitting behind them were able to eat their popcorn. The movie ushers should have stop them from coming in, let alone buy a ticket. Probably used that automated ticket machine, stupid machine. All i'm saying is there needs to be a guideline for people who stink and come to watch a movie in a sold out theater.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Power of Patron

I think those are actual tears of tequilla and yes
that is the number 7 i am holding up. This was when
i use to work overnights midnight-10am and i
thought it would be a great idea for us to go straight
to the bar after work at 11am and stay until 2am.
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