Call me Gator
Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop 'em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile...
Who knew Lake Placid was so deep.. Thank you David Kelly... and thanks for getting Bill Pullman work.. why hasn't he gotten a hollywood star for Space Balls?
You think i would pass up on a chance to talk about fucking gators........
Look at him... look at him he's so cute..... like a little dog. He's not a killer... but after watching the news you would think there's a fucking alligator waiting for you in your bathtub...
They're everywhere.. waiting to jump out of the bushes while you jog, sitting in
chair waiting for you to get back from work, and under your bed........ seriously.... 3 fucking people attacked.... In Florida of all places (the nation's armpit, again i will reemphaize that god hates florida)... and don't give me that people lost their lives bullshit... that was a little hyped up as well.
Ok.. the snorker that was attacked in Lake Georgia.. that's legit Lake Placid/Jaws shit. Swimming around in a murky lake and some gator comes out of no where and snaps down on you, drags you under while your friends try to pull you from the alligator's mouth....... shit.......... to bad it won't be on Faces of Death X........... and for those of you who don't have a place to snorkel (i.e. whitetrash lounge) let me demostrate toliet snorkeling.... fun for everyone.
... but the other 2 attacks.... the "model" jogging and the old lady found on Mother's Day... come on.. here's what the news wrote about the lady found on mother's day.......
Judy Cooper, 43, was the next to die by alligator........She may have been grabbed while sitting or sleeping at the water's edge.
what's that you say... sleeping.... well she must have been tired from work.
Gary Goodrich, Cooper's brother-in-law, told the newspaper that officials said her purse was found near the water and drugs may have played a factor
oh.. .... maybe it wasn't work that made her tired...... drugs and sleeping... ..... what the fuck .. I'm going to take some drugs and sit down by the edge of the canal and take a nap... does that even count as a attack.. we're talking about an animal that kills to eat... that's like leaving a piece of chicken on the street for a bum to find later.
Next.. the model, Yovy Jimenez, jogging that was attacked and had her arms ripped off.... ok.. .. first i would like to say we need to set a standard on what we call a model.... where are her modeling pictures??? If she worked at JCPennys.. there is no shame in that.. but by saying model or aspiring model you trick me into thinking she is actually important....... and yes a model is more important than the perfume girl at JCPennys hands down.....
Please when i die from a shark attack... I would like to be known as an inventor, writer, philoshper, teacher, model, and a musican.... oh and artist and photographer....
Ok back to the model attack... so she's jogging and an alligator was ???
waiting in the bushes to mug her and ended up ripping her arms off?? since when to alligators leap out of bushes to attack people....... that can't be right.. she had to be near the water... right? (and if she was a model getting work she wouldn't be jogging along the canal, she would be at Bally doing Tai Bo......... can we just call her a jogger)
No one saw the attack on Suarez, and its details will are likely to stay a mystery.
Oh...... then how do we fucking know that she was attacked on land? did we question the alligator?... Is it possible she might have been feeding the alligator or kneeling next to water to wash her model face or cool off? I can't count this one either.
So let's see subtract the 2 attacks and we got a total of 15 fatal gator attacks in 58 years...... hmmmmm... yeah that's good enough for me.. let's go poaching.
Don't worry folks. I plan to later post on how to protect yourself from gators.
Who knew Lake Placid was so deep.. Thank you David Kelly... and thanks for getting Bill Pullman work.. why hasn't he gotten a hollywood star for Space Balls?
You think i would pass up on a chance to talk about fucking gators........
Look at him... look at him he's so cute..... like a little dog. He's not a killer... but after watching the news you would think there's a fucking alligator waiting for you in your bathtub...
They're everywhere.. waiting to jump out of the bushes while you jog, sitting in
chair waiting for you to get back from work, and under your bed........ seriously.... 3 fucking people attacked.... In Florida of all places (the nation's armpit, again i will reemphaize that god hates florida)... and don't give me that people lost their lives bullshit... that was a little hyped up as well. Ok.. the snorker that was attacked in Lake Georgia.. that's legit Lake Placid/Jaws shit. Swimming around in a murky lake and some gator comes out of no where and snaps down on you, drags you under while your friends try to pull you from the alligator's mouth....... shit.......... to bad it won't be on Faces of Death X........... and for those of you who don't have a place to snorkel (i.e. whitetrash lounge) let me demostrate toliet snorkeling.... fun for everyone.
... but the other 2 attacks.... the "model" jogging and the old lady found on Mother's Day... come on.. here's what the news wrote about the lady found on mother's day.......
Judy Cooper, 43, was the next to die by alligator........She may have been grabbed while sitting or sleeping at the water's edge.
what's that you say... sleeping.... well she must have been tired from work.
Gary Goodrich, Cooper's brother-in-law, told the newspaper that officials said her purse was found near the water and drugs may have played a factor
oh.. .... maybe it wasn't work that made her tired...... drugs and sleeping... ..... what the fuck .. I'm going to take some drugs and sit down by the edge of the canal and take a nap... does that even count as a attack.. we're talking about an animal that kills to eat... that's like leaving a piece of chicken on the street for a bum to find later.
Next.. the model, Yovy Jimenez, jogging that was attacked and had her arms ripped off.... ok.. .. first i would like to say we need to set a standard on what we call a model.... where are her modeling pictures??? If she worked at JCPennys.. there is no shame in that.. but by saying model or aspiring model you trick me into thinking she is actually important....... and yes a model is more important than the perfume girl at JCPennys hands down.....
Please when i die from a shark attack... I would like to be known as an inventor, writer, philoshper, teacher, model, and a musican.... oh and artist and photographer....
Ok back to the model attack... so she's jogging and an alligator was ???
waiting in the bushes to mug her and ended up ripping her arms off?? since when to alligators leap out of bushes to attack people....... that can't be right.. she had to be near the water... right? (and if she was a model getting work she wouldn't be jogging along the canal, she would be at Bally doing Tai Bo......... can we just call her a jogger) No one saw the attack on Suarez, and its details will are likely to stay a mystery.
Oh...... then how do we fucking know that she was attacked on land? did we question the alligator?... Is it possible she might have been feeding the alligator or kneeling next to water to wash her model face or cool off? I can't count this one either.
So let's see subtract the 2 attacks and we got a total of 15 fatal gator attacks in 58 years...... hmmmmm... yeah that's good enough for me.. let's go poaching.
Don't worry folks. I plan to later post on how to protect yourself from gators.
posted by Johnny Menace at 8:32 AM
18 comments
