TV Dad Fight Night Part II
For 
those of you who need to catch up and read Part I of the TV Dad Fight Night Tanner vs Bundy. Before you vote I suggest you read both them make your decision. I wrote Part I back in July so i guess this one is long overdue. Enjoy. I'm going to go drink now and get prepared for my B-Day on saturday.. I have votes for the next TV dad fight night... Jim Walsh had 5 votes and James Evans Sr. had 6 votes... I was rooting for Herman Munster but sadly he had no votes...
=================
Jim: Welcome back to Bundy vs Tanner. Now that we've takin a look into dark world that is Danny Tanner. Let's get to know our his competitor.. Larry you...... damnit.. sorry guys... my bad....
Mike: Larry not here.
Jim: Yes Mike I know.. i remember he ran off.. thanks
Mike: Mike don't know much, but Mike knows he will punch your lights out if you talk to Mike in that tone.I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend. *
Jim: I'm sorry Mike... I just figured he would be back by now.. i'm just worried about him.... ...... can some get this scary black man a pigeon to play with........ thank you......... Al Bundy hails from the southside of Chicago where he developed a southpaw style on the mean streets. We'll take an in depth look at the Bundy pschye with Larry Mer... Merch.......... ............. I miss him Mike... was i to overbearing what should i do? i want him back.
Mike: I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined.*
Jim: You just haven't been the same since that bout with Little Mac back in 87'
Mike: I was fucking robbed. Everyone told him to watch my eyes when i blink....
Jim: ... Larry come back... I miss you repeating things i say.. your in coherant cocaine aided ramblings.... the small of your back.. the way your nose whistles when you breathe in your sleep.... ok lets role the interview....
(overhead) Larry took the Bundy interview tape with him...
Jim: Motherfucker!........ your serious.... that little shit.. ok so what to we have..
(overhead) We have Iron Mike... or we can unfreeze Bob Costos
Jim: Thaw out Costas.
(overhead) He's ready.
Jim: Shit that was fast.
(overhead) We took him with us.. this was a big event Jim..
Jim: The network was ok with that.
(overhead) There's a Bob Costas for every sport.
Jim:... oh... nice.. Ok we go live to Bob Costas whose is with Al Bundy.
======================
Bob: Thanks Jim. I here with Al "Touchdown" Bundy, all around athelte, family man, shoe salesman and now fighter. How are you feeling Al?
Al: Well a fat woman came into the store today, said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the dam of cellulite should keep us all safe for the next few years!....... oh... i mean.. i'm good. strong.. hungry.
Bob: Al you scored 4 touchdowns in one game with the Panthers back in 66 and won Polk High the city championship. In 94' you competed illegally in the senior olympics and blew the competition away.... cleary all your life you have displayed the physical ability to dominate in every sport you enter....... or you just cheat..... you have the size and the power wiill that be enough to defeat Tanner tonight?
Al: Bob you bring up a great point... i was also MVP for that year in 66'... and you failed to mention captian of the softball team, where i came off the bench to hit the game winning home run in the championship....Have you seen Tanner I'll stomp him bundy style.. i might was well be fighting a midget like you.. no one can handle these.... the guns of the navarone...
Bob: Al please lower your arms your making my camera man uneasy..
Al: Well its not bothering you..
Bob: I'm a robot.....
Al:... a robot? ........... do still have your ... you know.. your nuts and bolts?
Bob: No i just have a hole.... the networks bend me over the table and... well....: Which brings me to my next question Al.. Why are you fighting tonight? Everyone seems to think you are taking this fight to lightly. Some think you have a death wish, that you want to get killed out there.... and that your just a dumb brute that Tanner will easily fool and control. I mean I am talking to a man that tried to get rid of a mouse by sticking dynamite into a carrot.. a man who talked to god about the perfect shoe that no one would buy.. So i'll ask again what is motivating you to win this fight? and does Buck spend the money you give him on the
credits?
Al: Why fight.... beacuse i'm a bundy. A Bundy doesn't step down from a fight.. Bob. How many fights has Tanner been in? I've fought a medival knight in Upper Umpton. My family kicked another family's ass over a picnic ground. We're Bundys. We fight. and yes Buck spends the money on milkbones..
Bob: Speaking of buck... You've never come to accept Buck since you found out he was gay... That you've shun everything and everyone you cared about since you've found out.... is that why you keep fighting Al?
Al: What.. i never found out he was gay until... Bud told me that after he ran away.. that was 2 years after we got Lucky. Why would you bring that up ... Buck is still missing when he ran off to live in the woods with those gay bears.. That's what he wanted... i can't help it if he never calls or visit.... its not like he sent me a forwarding address...
Bob: Al... don't lie to me, I'm a robot. I have a lie decting device built into me.. .... Buck never ran to the woods did he?
Al: .... uh... Ok.. he's still living with that boyfriend of his on the northside....
Bob: Al.... the truth this time..
Al: Ok.... ..... i ... i ...i shot him.......... i shot him and his german fag boyfriend...
Bob: Take me there what happen?
Al: No... I can't... I can't Bob.... its dark there.......
Bob: Just relax and take a deep breath...
Al: .... I had just finished watching Psycho Dad and I headed to down to the basement to grab a copy of Big Uns, march of 93 to be exact... but when i made it downstairs.. I saw them.. ..... both of them.... Buck sweaty ass was in the air... and some German Sheapard named Blitz humping away like a machine....... the smell of dog ass was everywhere...... ...... and i just lost it..... No Bundy is going to be gay on my watch...
Bob: Didn't he try to tell you about being gay before..
Al: He tried.... i wouldn't listen... I told him i didn't love him and would be scarthing him on the belly anymore....... ........ ... and that day i caught them in the basement.... ..... i grabbed my shotgun and shot them... both of them right in the head... Biltz first.. because in my heart i wanted to give Buck a chance to explain... ... but he couldn't because he only spoke in inter monolouges.... so i held him by the collar and shoved the gun in his mouth.... turned my head.... and pulled the trigger......... ............. ....i wanted to give him a chance..
Bob: And that's why you have such a descructive life and don't care if you die... because you couldn't love your gay dog......
Al: ......................... yesss....
Bob: Where did this rage against gays come from Al? Psyco dad?
Al: ..... Marcy Darcy.....
Bob: Your arch-nemis Marcy Darcy? Marcy Rhodes?... the one you refered to as a chicken..
Al: .... Bob do you know why i called her a chicken..... because her head would bob up and down on my cock.... it wasn't because she was flat chested.. that was just to fool everyone. You think i really went to work everyday for 3.25 and hour.... you think anyone would notice if i showed up or not at a job like that.... and as bad as my Dodge was how would it make it to work everyday... it couldn't? I only went to work mondays and fridays... tuesday and thursdays i would sit in that dodge and get a hummer Marcy, cluckly cluck, or she would bring one of lesibian friends with her and ... well you know..... see was always into bondage and wanted to experiment with food.... so i might of picked up a few republican stances on issues and blew my gay dogs brains out with a 12 guage so what...... I don't see you busting your hump for $3.25.. coming home to a bond bond eating machine that wears the same fucking spandex and leapord print, a slut of a daughter, and son who i know will be living with me until he's 40... i was suppose to be starting FB for the Bears......................... DAMN YOU!!!!
Bob: Well Jim... that about sums it up here.. we'll just leave Mr. Bundy while he's pulling out his hair.... i'm going to power down and hop back in a block of ice.
===============
Jim: ....... What the fuck Costas?...... Where is your soul? Well.. folks you just heard Bob Costas's interview with fan favorite Al Bundy who will no doubt be an emotional train wreck out there when he fights Tanner. Both men will no doubt be seing some demons tonight............... Oh looks who decided to come back ......thanks for joing us Larry..... finished hiding in the ladies room. Ready to get back to work?
Larry: Asshole!........Are we on?
Jim: Are we.......of course we are. We're about to look at your interview with bun....jesus.... what's that on your lip......
Larry: Where here?
Jim: No... up...now over.... like a weird powder looking smudge..right below your nostril
Larry: Did i get..?
Jim: No. No a little to the left...... there you got some of it........... are you rubbing that on your gums? What the hell Larry? Powedering your nose?
Larry: Maybe I wouldn't resort to such drastic measures I wasn't stressed all the time. Just tell me if i got it all.
Jim: no no..... just come over here.. let me........... quit moving......... stand still...... Mike take over for a mintue....
Mike: What do i say?
Jim: Just fill up some time for a mintue. Relate to the people Mike. Talk about you. Talk about boxing......... Stand still for a sec!!!...... Why do you make me yell at you, Larry. you know i.....
Mike: Okay Jim. Hello people..... hmmmm...... I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. Jim and Larry tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one
way...*
Jim: OOoookkkayyy thank you Mike that was...... entertaining.. yes that's the word..
Larry: That was the word Jim, entertaining. Not the perfect time filler Mike but entertaining.
Mike: There's no one perfect, Larry. We're always gonna do that. Jimmy Swaggart is lascivious, Mike Tyson is lascivious -- but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people -- it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get head without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail.*
Jim: Great Larry. Thanks for continuing the rant. Maybe you'd like Mike to host the damn fight.
Larry: Maybe i would like Mike to host the damn fight. Even though he's not all there at least he is sweet and kind to his fellow cohost.
Mike: Yeah.... but Larry I don't know if I'm mentally sick, but I have... episodes sometimes. I'm a depressant kind of dude. I have episodes, and I'm human. But no one cares about my health as a human because sometimes I'm in my episodes when I'm at work.*
Jim:.........
Larry:............
Jim: Let it go Mike.. Little Mac beat you fair and square...........
Mike:..............NOOOOOOOOO!!!... Ok now I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian.
Jim: Ok where are we now.... ok ..... Bundy. Bundy the blue collar shoe salesmen from Chi-town fighting out of the blue corner tonight. Tanner fighting out of the red corner... and it looks like Tanner making his way out.
Larry: Yes Jim. I think Tanner is...
Jim: Shut up and let's listen.
(Tanner and Bundy come out to their TV them music, you vote who wins)
* = actual mike tyson quotes
those of you who need to catch up and read Part I of the TV Dad Fight Night Tanner vs Bundy. Before you vote I suggest you read both them make your decision. I wrote Part I back in July so i guess this one is long overdue. Enjoy. I'm going to go drink now and get prepared for my B-Day on saturday.. I have votes for the next TV dad fight night... Jim Walsh had 5 votes and James Evans Sr. had 6 votes... I was rooting for Herman Munster but sadly he had no votes...=================
Jim: Welcome back to Bundy vs Tanner. Now that we've takin a look into dark world that is Danny Tanner. Let's get to know our his competitor.. Larry you...... damnit.. sorry guys... my bad....
Mike: Larry not here.
Jim: Yes Mike I know.. i remember he ran off.. thanks
Mike: Mike don't know much, but Mike knows he will punch your lights out if you talk to Mike in that tone.I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend. *
Jim: I'm sorry Mike... I just figured he would be back by now.. i'm just worried about him.... ...... can some get this scary black man a pigeon to play with........ thank you......... Al Bundy hails from the southside of Chicago where he developed a southpaw style on the mean streets. We'll take an in depth look at the Bundy pschye with Larry Mer... Merch.......... ............. I miss him Mike... was i to overbearing what should i do? i want him back.
Mike: I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined.*
Jim: You just haven't been the same since that bout with Little Mac back in 87'
Mike: I was fucking robbed. Everyone told him to watch my eyes when i blink....
Jim: ... Larry come back... I miss you repeating things i say.. your in coherant cocaine aided ramblings.... the small of your back.. the way your nose whistles when you breathe in your sleep.... ok lets role the interview....
(overhead) Larry took the Bundy interview tape with him...
Jim: Motherfucker!........ your serious.... that little shit.. ok so what to we have..
(overhead) We have Iron Mike... or we can unfreeze Bob Costos
Jim: Thaw out Costas.
(overhead) He's ready.
Jim: Shit that was fast.
(overhead) We took him with us.. this was a big event Jim..
Jim: The network was ok with that.
(overhead) There's a Bob Costas for every sport.
Jim:... oh... nice.. Ok we go live to Bob Costas whose is with Al Bundy.
======================
Bob: Thanks Jim. I here with Al "Touchdown" Bundy, all around athelte, family man, shoe salesman and now fighter. How are you feeling Al?
Al: Well a fat woman came into the store today, said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the dam of cellulite should keep us all safe for the next few years!....... oh... i mean.. i'm good. strong.. hungry.
Bob: Al you scored 4 touchdowns in one game with the Panthers back in 66 and won Polk High the city championship. In 94' you competed illegally in the senior olympics and blew the competition away.... cleary all your life you have displayed the physical ability to dominate in every sport you enter....... or you just cheat..... you have the size and the power wiill that be enough to defeat Tanner tonight?
Al: Bob you bring up a great point... i was also MVP for that year in 66'... and you failed to mention captian of the softball team, where i came off the bench to hit the game winning home run in the championship....Have you seen Tanner I'll stomp him bundy style.. i might was well be fighting a midget like you.. no one can handle these.... the guns of the navarone...
Bob: Al please lower your arms your making my camera man uneasy..
Al: Well its not bothering you..
Bob: I'm a robot.....
Al:... a robot? ........... do still have your ... you know.. your nuts and bolts?
Bob: No i just have a hole.... the networks bend me over the table and... well....: Which brings me to my next question Al.. Why are you fighting tonight? Everyone seems to think you are taking this fight to lightly. Some think you have a death wish, that you want to get killed out there.... and that your just a dumb brute that Tanner will easily fool and control. I mean I am talking to a man that tried to get rid of a mouse by sticking dynamite into a carrot.. a man who talked to god about the perfect shoe that no one would buy.. So i'll ask again what is motivating you to win this fight? and does Buck spend the money you give him on the
credits?Al: Why fight.... beacuse i'm a bundy. A Bundy doesn't step down from a fight.. Bob. How many fights has Tanner been in? I've fought a medival knight in Upper Umpton. My family kicked another family's ass over a picnic ground. We're Bundys. We fight. and yes Buck spends the money on milkbones..
Bob: Speaking of buck... You've never come to accept Buck since you found out he was gay... That you've shun everything and everyone you cared about since you've found out.... is that why you keep fighting Al?
Al: What.. i never found out he was gay until... Bud told me that after he ran away.. that was 2 years after we got Lucky. Why would you bring that up ... Buck is still missing when he ran off to live in the woods with those gay bears.. That's what he wanted... i can't help it if he never calls or visit.... its not like he sent me a forwarding address...
Bob: Al... don't lie to me, I'm a robot. I have a lie decting device built into me.. .... Buck never ran to the woods did he?
Al: .... uh... Ok.. he's still living with that boyfriend of his on the northside....
Bob: Al.... the truth this time..
Al: Ok.... ..... i ... i ...i shot him.......... i shot him and his german fag boyfriend...
Bob: Take me there what happen?
Al: No... I can't... I can't Bob.... its dark there.......
Bob: Just relax and take a deep breath...
Al: .... I had just finished watching Psycho Dad and I headed to down to the basement to grab a copy of Big Uns, march of 93 to be exact... but when i made it downstairs.. I saw them.. ..... both of them.... Buck sweaty ass was in the air... and some German Sheapard named Blitz humping away like a machine....... the smell of dog ass was everywhere...... ...... and i just lost it..... No Bundy is going to be gay on my watch...
Bob: Didn't he try to tell you about being gay before..
Al: He tried.... i wouldn't listen... I told him i didn't love him and would be scarthing him on the belly anymore....... ........ ... and that day i caught them in the basement.... ..... i grabbed my shotgun and shot them... both of them right in the head... Biltz first.. because in my heart i wanted to give Buck a chance to explain... ... but he couldn't because he only spoke in inter monolouges.... so i held him by the collar and shoved the gun in his mouth.... turned my head.... and pulled the trigger......... ............. ....i wanted to give him a chance..
Bob: And that's why you have such a descructive life and don't care if you die... because you couldn't love your gay dog......
Al: ......................... yesss....
Bob: Where did this rage against gays come from Al? Psyco dad?
Al: ..... Marcy Darcy.....
Bob: Your arch-nemis Marcy Darcy? Marcy Rhodes?... the one you refered to as a chicken..
Al: .... Bob do you know why i called her a chicken..... because her head would bob up and down on my cock.... it wasn't because she was flat chested.. that was just to fool everyone. You think i really went to work everyday for 3.25 and hour.... you think anyone would notice if i showed up or not at a job like that.... and as bad as my Dodge was how would it make it to work everyday... it couldn't? I only went to work mondays and fridays... tuesday and thursdays i would sit in that dodge and get a hummer Marcy, cluckly cluck, or she would bring one of lesibian friends with her and ... well you know..... see was always into bondage and wanted to experiment with food.... so i might of picked up a few republican stances on issues and blew my gay dogs brains out with a 12 guage so what...... I don't see you busting your hump for $3.25.. coming home to a bond bond eating machine that wears the same fucking spandex and leapord print, a slut of a daughter, and son who i know will be living with me until he's 40... i was suppose to be starting FB for the Bears......................... DAMN YOU!!!!
Bob: Well Jim... that about sums it up here.. we'll just leave Mr. Bundy while he's pulling out his hair.... i'm going to power down and hop back in a block of ice.
===============
Jim: ....... What the fuck Costas?...... Where is your soul? Well.. folks you just heard Bob Costas's interview with fan favorite Al Bundy who will no doubt be an emotional train wreck out there when he fights Tanner. Both men will no doubt be seing some demons tonight............... Oh looks who decided to come back ......thanks for joing us Larry..... finished hiding in the ladies room. Ready to get back to work?
Larry: Asshole!........Are we on?
Jim: Are we.......of course we are. We're about to look at your interview with bun....jesus.... what's that on your lip......
Larry: Where here?
Jim: No... up...now over.... like a weird powder looking smudge..right below your nostril
Larry: Did i get..?
Jim: No. No a little to the left...... there you got some of it........... are you rubbing that on your gums? What the hell Larry? Powedering your nose?
Larry: Maybe I wouldn't resort to such drastic measures I wasn't stressed all the time. Just tell me if i got it all.
Jim: no no..... just come over here.. let me........... quit moving......... stand still...... Mike take over for a mintue....
Mike: What do i say?
Jim: Just fill up some time for a mintue. Relate to the people Mike. Talk about you. Talk about boxing......... Stand still for a sec!!!...... Why do you make me yell at you, Larry. you know i.....
Mike: Okay Jim. Hello people..... hmmmm...... I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. Jim and Larry tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one
way...*Jim: OOoookkkayyy thank you Mike that was...... entertaining.. yes that's the word..
Larry: That was the word Jim, entertaining. Not the perfect time filler Mike but entertaining.
Mike: There's no one perfect, Larry. We're always gonna do that. Jimmy Swaggart is lascivious, Mike Tyson is lascivious -- but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people -- it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get head without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail.*
Jim: Great Larry. Thanks for continuing the rant. Maybe you'd like Mike to host the damn fight.
Larry: Maybe i would like Mike to host the damn fight. Even though he's not all there at least he is sweet and kind to his fellow cohost.
Mike: Yeah.... but Larry I don't know if I'm mentally sick, but I have... episodes sometimes. I'm a depressant kind of dude. I have episodes, and I'm human. But no one cares about my health as a human because sometimes I'm in my episodes when I'm at work.*
Jim:.........
Larry:............
Jim: Let it go Mike.. Little Mac beat you fair and square...........
Mike:..............NOOOOOOOOO!!!... Ok now I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian.
Jim: Ok where are we now.... ok ..... Bundy. Bundy the blue collar shoe salesmen from Chi-town fighting out of the blue corner tonight. Tanner fighting out of the red corner... and it looks like Tanner making his way out.
Larry: Yes Jim. I think Tanner is...
Jim: Shut up and let's listen.
(Tanner and Bundy come out to their TV them music, you vote who wins)
* = actual mike tyson quotes
posted by Johnny Menace at 12:38 AM
12 Comments:
the moo was here....
k...AL BUNDY will kick everyones ass...he gets NOTHING....and people who get nothing don't give a fuck about anything, so they shall reign.......love it!!!
........fucking verification...ivpdnlu
We ought to chip in and give Al a Marcy Darcy punching bag to practice on.
johnny menace hates black people.
Happy birthday Assface!
Love the use of real Tyson quotes here.
Al fucking Bundy all the way! He'll annihilate that vaccuum-pushing, sweater-wearing, lecture-giving bundle of twigs.
moo cow - probably because you came from a wedding recently to.... ok.... serious what's with the cow obession... how did this happen? and why didn't anyone stop you? ...... its like Dodge Ball, the girl with all the unicorn stuff.
mitzee - you forget Tanner is psycho and has lost everything to.
jag - marcy fucking darcy..... you know i like jefferson... but i thought steve was hilarious.
shane - and causes hurricanes.
ally s - tyson does all the work for me. The man is a unconventional comedy genius.
I have to go with Bundy too
but when I asked igod he said Tanner
(and NO I'm not crazy. the link's on my site)
Fade into Bolivian.... hahahahaha, man das ludacris....
Since Tanner will have to disinfect the ring before the fight can begin, maybe Bundy can arrange a sneak attack. But watch out for sabotage from the girls. Deej, Steph and Michelle are fiercely protective of their daddy. They'd grab onto Al's ankles bite him through his pants until he cried 'Mercy!'. Then Uncle Jesse would have to fight him too for stealing his line.
storm - seems to be the fan fav
jen - Bundy would spend your money at the nudy bar
nat - yeah bluth and herman munster.. it could have been great.
perd - yeah igod knows.. i had a deep conversation with her myself... i'll post it later... great link by the way.
rm - i always wondered where the chicken jokes for marcy came from .... now you know.
wes - don't thank me .. thank zoloft and tyson.
jag - yeah i imagine the fight ending with the Bundy and the Tanner families empting out onto the ring and fighting each other... The bundies would maul the Tanners and get disqualfied for entering the ring first... Then danny would teach Michelle and the gang to always play by the rules..... Then Joey would take Michelle down to the basement..... that always creeped me out when on of the girls came from the basement after playing with uncle joey.
and it would make great early 90's TV
no i didn't "forget" i just know bundy is a complete suck ass loser with nothing better to do than kick some ass...he always won when kicking ass.......bundy-style.
his best fight was when he and Peg went back to their high school reunion.
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