A New Boy Scout Standard

"On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the Scout Law, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight."........... unless mother nature strikes, then i am and forever fucked'

What can i say i've been on a enjoying every boy scout story that has come out lately. Lighting strikes, bear attacks, missing scout in Utah, scouts getting heat sickness. All that shit and no boy scouts molested....... disappointing i know.... but the jamboree just ended so we still have some time for those stories to come out. Since when did boy scouts become pussies? After seeing these kids on the news at the jamboree its obvious the boy scout organization is desperate and will take anyone they can get, The standards need to be fucking raised backed up.

If you can't handle a bear or any wild animal attack your out.

If you get heat sickness at a jambree.... seriously its a jambree with piazza, punch and poatoe sack races... what the fuck? your out.

If you go missing...... well actually that kid survived and hid from actual search and rescue people.... that is impressive. Where's the merit badge for that? He stays in, and he can bring a friend.

If you don't have a curiousity to see what will burn in a campfire your out. If you get struck by lightning and die your out (and you get penalized a few generations)

Feel free to think of any others and i will add them.

Speaking of lightning strikes deaths... how cool is that? A first hand lesson on electricity for the kids and let's be honest.... we were all thinking what did god have against the boy scouts when that happened and then we all thought they were petafiles and deserved it.

From bush's speech regarding the lightning deaths"These men will always be remembered for their leadership and kindness"

ah..... bullshit... these men will be remembered for getting struck by fucking lighting and dieing, and tie that into the worst Jambree ever. Don't tell me at the next jambree when they have a moment of silence everyone will be thinking of leadership and kindness... it will be more like.... please don't pick me to set up the tent.

Important questions ....... Why were these guys setting up camp during a thunderstorm? And since there scout leaders they obviously have a shit load of badges... so they would have their electricity badge (yes there is a elecrticty badge). They didn't teach them about electricity in storms??........ Here is a list of the terms that are to explained to earn the badge. Requirments page under section 10.

Explain the following electrical terms:
volt
ampere
watt
ohm
resistance
potential difference
rectifier
rheostat
conductor
ground
circuit
short circuit

Notice something missing in there.... yeah me to. My personal favorite badge listed truck transportation (yes an actual badge).
Requirements:

Drive across the country Pull at least 5 24-hr drive periods

Be own some type of drug when pulling at least 2 of the 24hr drive periods.

Learn the song convey

Hide Bandit from Sheriff Buford T. Justice

Enter a nation-wide arm wrestling tourny in Vegas and beat Bull to win custody of your son.

Very tough to get. That's why you really don't see many scouts with it. My what the fuck badge goes to the Railroading badge and the Space Exploration badge. Seriously what are the requirements for the railroad badge? be of chinesse decent and fight a hobo for a 1/5 of whiskey and a potatoe and win?

And yes i can say all of this because i was a boy scout..... and yes we burned down Robbie Ledoux's tent while he and his father went fishing that morning... god that was awsome.... and yes Robbie deserved it... his dad scared the shit out of us that night and Robbie was in on it..... If you wanted in Robbie you should have told us it wasn't real.... and maybe you would still have a tent and that stuffed rabbit you slept with..... and your dad's wallet.... i hope you learned your lesson.....back to badges. I don't remember all these puss badges: journalism, backpacking, family life, gardening, leatherwork, cycling, music, dancing!!! not indian on peyote dancing.... we're talking about fucking dancing!!!

come on.. when i was in the scouts it was camping, swimming, canoing, wilderness survial, knot tieing, knives, first aid, hiking, archery, and indian stories.... That was it, man shit.... oh and you had to make a massive camp fire and run and jump over the fucker or you were gay. Then you were a master you'd go on your vision quest, hopefully you survived and that was it .... sadly i was taken out of scouts before my vision quest because the church figured out we were eating their body of christ(bread) for sunday morning service during our Sat. night meetings.

Another favorite was the plano boy scout that was attacked my a bear in around july 26 in Alaska.. The kid rounds a bend and finds himself face to face with a bear.... ok.... the bear charged and tore off flesh from the boy's right arm..... let's say your his father and you see this so you have options here....

throw a rock at the bear and get it to attack you

throw a rock at the bear and point at one of the other kids and get the bear to attack them

throw food at the bear

go all jermaih johnson and show the bear your bear claw marks that you got on your chest from hanging in an indian teepee (trust me the bear will bow down to you)

go davey crockett on the fucking bear and wrestle the damn thing (then years later everyone says your full of bullshit when you try to tell them you did that)

get your dog to speak bear like in anchorman

you speak bear because you have the bear badge

tell your boy to fight the damn thing if he wants his bear badge like you had to do

or shoot the fucking bear

All great effective choices right...... what does dad do? he fires 2 shots in the air to scare the bear away.... a wild animal is attacking your son ripping his flesh off and you fire shots in the air ....... not at the bear.... in the air..... ...... yeah...... great example of being a puss for all those other scouts watching their friend almost die.... no wonder they allow scouts to wear lavendar and pink. ...somehow i imagine the dad clapping at the bear also and yelling "shooo"..... Robert Redford would have shot that fucking bear, made a coat out of him, and build a log cabin with the bears bones. Which brings a new standard to being a scout:

You have to watch Jermaih Johnson or your out of the scouts.

After watching the movie you have to do one of the following

kill a bear

kill an indian with your bare hands

build a log cabin and surivive the winter

marry an indian

stick flint in your chest and hang from a teepee to make bear claws

grow a man beard.

And i'll quickly touch on the 300+ kids who suffered heat sickness at the jamboree. Strip these kids of their badges all of them. Tar and feather them at the next jamboree to set an example out them. There needs to be some serious hazing in the boy scouts. Honestly if you get sick from heat you should not be in an organzation where you spend 99% of your time outdoors. I'd like to go off on Hans Zeiger and talk about other scout shit... but i'm off to Puerto Vallerta..... talk you fuckers in 2 weeks.... if i don't die... and i say this because the hotel offers swimming with sea lions....... you know i couldn't pass that up... They take you out to a cove where these sea lions or seals swim around.... and last time i check sharks like these things for food... seems odd that the hotel would let you swim around with a bunch of shark food, but hey we'll see what happens...