Blind date: Shelly...... part II
Continued from Part I
After EN settled me down.. I turned to Shelly said hello as we made are way to the car. My first words out of my mouth... disaster...
Menace: So how long have you had that..... hmm.. that thing.. all your life?... is it easy to breathe?
Shelly: *smiles and turns the radio on
There wasn't much said in car.. after that.. . She really likes to listen to the radio and sing. Horrible singer by the way.... you would think she is chewing on her own tongue... or graduated at the Helen Keller school of arts.... ...... so we got to dinner... nothing big just went to Szmania's ... just a nice atmosphere to sit relax and have a little one on one conversation with Shelly.. until i realized...
=============================================
Menace: Ever been hear before..
Shelly: MMeeaaahh!!
Menace: Excuse me... did.. did you just make a cat noise.. are you trying to impress me
Shelly: Hehheh hehheh you go go Meeeahhhhhhh!!
Menace: .. I.. don't... uhmmm.. ok.. no
Shelly: Ball la Goooo go Hehhhhhhh AHHHH!!!
Menace: what's with yelling everything jesus i'm right in front of you....... wait.. wait.. wait.. are you.. ...no... EN wouldn't do that to me.. she wouldn't set me up with....
Shelly: *eating napkin
Menace: .. jesus EN.. what.. what the fuck am i doing with a retard in a wheelchair
Shelly: PRETTY GIRL!! PRETTY GIRL!!!
Menace: yes.. yes.. i meant pretty girl..
Shelly: YEAAAAHH!!.. Pretty girl..
*starts to pet the butter shaped like a swan
Waiter: Hello sir and what can i start you off with to drink.
Menace: Oh.. uhmm
*looks at Shelly starting to eat the swan's head
.... really.. i'm.. uhmmm.. ok.. i'm not sure if .. if she is allowed... i mean.. to drink... i..
*turns to the waiter
ok.. i don't know... alcohol... can retards drink alcohol?
Waiter: I'll have you know we serve Kenny G here all the time.
Menace:.............. .........
Waiter: Uh huh.. Eats here every second Tuesday of the month and drinks mojitos until he touches the utensils inappropiately with his mouth...
Menace: ............... ............ she's not gay... look at her....... she has a breathing tube in her fucking neck.. i don't know if she can even eat food.
*looks over at Shelly stabbing the other butter swans with her knife
*exhales
...sure what the hell.. 2 patrons and dress'em for the oscars... just keep them coming...
Waiter: Yes sir and here are your bread sticks
Menace: Shelly .. would you care for a breadstick?
Shelly: MmMmeeahh
*opens mouth
Menace: ...... so... that's a yes?... ok
*feeds a breadstick to Shelly
Shelly:Yummy tummy
*claps and slowly wraps her lips around the breadstick.. tonguing it up and down the shaft of the stick..
Menace: you gotta be shitting me......
*watches shelly slob on her self as she takes in half the bread stick and slowly push it back out.
where is that patron... ... please... god.... tell me this retard has no teeth... please...
*looks at the rest of the diners starting
I said out loud didn't i.......... hmmm... ok... i... shouldn't you people be talking to yourself instead of evesdropping... on this little girl's make a wish dream... that's ok shelly... you keep licking that stick of bread...
Waiter: Your patrons sir...
Menace: Thank you.. and we'll start with the soup
*pulls bread stick out Shelly's mouth
*grabs patron... swipes some salt on finger
Waiter: soup it is..
Menace: ok Shelly ever had tequilla before... i hope your retarded stomach can handle this.. taste just like water...
Shelly: WWhhhaaaaa Whaaaa!!!
*claps and opens her mouth
Menace: *pours the shot down Shellys throat
Shelly: Whaaaaaa...
*pauses
*eyes start to water
Menace: ok.. it might burn a lit......
Shelly: AHhh Huhuhhhh Pretty Girl hurt.. MAAAHHH!
Menace: hmm.. hold on.. hold on..
*fingers salted finger in mouth
Shelly: AAAHHHHH....MMmmmmm ..mmmmmmm
*starts to suck my finger hard
*swirels her tongue around it
Menace: *shoots the patron
*bangs the glass on the table
Oh ... jesus.... you got to be shitting me shelly... you little bug eyed hoover you..
*slams the table
God.. damnit.... you are special
Shelly: *sucks and flickers her tongue
Waiter: *coughs
Your soup sir... 2 more shots of patron..
Menace:*pulls finger out of shelly's mouth
hmmm you know what.. why don't you just go ahead and bring me the check.. and forget the 2 shots i want you to bring me the bottle... just put the bottle on my bill...
Waiter: but we don't sell bottles... sir.
Menace: I don't care... just
*looks over at Shelly face first in the soup
jesus... i knew retards couldn't hold there liquor... well.. can't you help me get her cleaned up
*pulls shellys head out of the soup
Shelly: WWEEeeeOOoahhhh.. ha..
Menace: you like that ... i see.... ok.. and can we clean around her tube i don't want her breathing tomatoe bisque on me...... ...ok.... shelly... look at me......... ...look at me...... with your good eye shelly.... ok... i'm going to drive you home... your drunk... so i'm going to take her home..
Shelly: *spits up soup on herself
Menace: Ok.. i'm gonig to take that as a "your cool with that"
Waiter: Your check and bottle sir..
Menace: Alright.. and there you go and i'm going to take a couple of these breadsticks.. she seems to like them... ready to shelly..
Shelly: Naaawwhhhhmmanabbble!!
Menace: ... Allright... you just go ahead and continue to gnaw on your tongue
===========================================
I had the wait staff load shelly in the car... i checked her medical bracelets for her home address.. and once i got some decent directions ... I let shelly suck on my fingers on the way to her house... that mouth never got tired.... and while we drove down to her place... i kept thinking .."ok.ok.. this is what EN meant by saying it would special.. that she's a special girl.. this retard powered sucking machine of a mouth and with that breathing tube she doesn't even have to come up for air."............ ............ but i later learned when we got to Shelly's place... I was wrong about that being the special part of it.............. .........it was so much sweeter than that...
(to be continued Weds)
After EN settled me down.. I turned to Shelly said hello as we made are way to the car. My first words out of my mouth... disaster...
Menace: So how long have you had that..... hmm.. that thing.. all your life?... is it easy to breathe?
Shelly: *smiles and turns the radio on
There wasn't much said in car.. after that.. . She really likes to listen to the radio and sing. Horrible singer by the way.... you would think she is chewing on her own tongue... or graduated at the Helen Keller school of arts.... ...... so we got to dinner... nothing big just went to Szmania's ... just a nice atmosphere to sit relax and have a little one on one conversation with Shelly.. until i realized...
=============================================
Menace: Ever been hear before..
Shelly: MMeeaaahh!!
Menace: Excuse me... did.. did you just make a cat noise.. are you trying to impress me
Shelly: Hehheh hehheh you go go Meeeahhhhhhh!!
Menace: .. I.. don't... uhmmm.. ok.. no
Shelly: Ball la Goooo go Hehhhhhhh AHHHH!!!
Menace: what's with yelling everything jesus i'm right in front of you....... wait.. wait.. wait.. are you.. ...no... EN wouldn't do that to me.. she wouldn't set me up with....
Shelly: *eating napkin
Menace: .. jesus EN.. what.. what the fuck am i doing with a retard in a wheelchair
Shelly: PRETTY GIRL!! PRETTY GIRL!!!
Menace: yes.. yes.. i meant pretty girl..
Shelly: YEAAAAHH!!.. Pretty girl..
*starts to pet the butter shaped like a swan
Waiter: Hello sir and what can i start you off with to drink.
Menace: Oh.. uhmm
*looks at Shelly starting to eat the swan's head
.... really.. i'm.. uhmmm.. ok.. i'm not sure if .. if she is allowed... i mean.. to drink... i..
*turns to the waiter
ok.. i don't know... alcohol... can retards drink alcohol?
Waiter: I'll have you know we serve Kenny G here all the time.
Menace:.............. .........
Waiter: Uh huh.. Eats here every second Tuesday of the month and drinks mojitos until he touches the utensils inappropiately with his mouth...
Menace: ............... ............ she's not gay... look at her....... she has a breathing tube in her fucking neck.. i don't know if she can even eat food.
*looks over at Shelly stabbing the other butter swans with her knife
*exhales
...sure what the hell.. 2 patrons and dress'em for the oscars... just keep them coming...
Waiter: Yes sir and here are your bread sticks
Menace: Shelly .. would you care for a breadstick?
Shelly: MmMmeeahh
*opens mouth
Menace: ...... so... that's a yes?... ok
*feeds a breadstick to Shelly
Shelly:Yummy tummy
*claps and slowly wraps her lips around the breadstick.. tonguing it up and down the shaft of the stick..
Menace: you gotta be shitting me......
*watches shelly slob on her self as she takes in half the bread stick and slowly push it back out.
where is that patron... ... please... god.... tell me this retard has no teeth... please...
*looks at the rest of the diners starting
I said out loud didn't i.......... hmmm... ok... i... shouldn't you people be talking to yourself instead of evesdropping... on this little girl's make a wish dream... that's ok shelly... you keep licking that stick of bread...
Waiter: Your patrons sir...
Menace: Thank you.. and we'll start with the soup
*pulls bread stick out Shelly's mouth
*grabs patron... swipes some salt on finger
Waiter: soup it is..
Menace: ok Shelly ever had tequilla before... i hope your retarded stomach can handle this.. taste just like water...
Shelly: WWhhhaaaaa Whaaaa!!!
*claps and opens her mouth
Menace: *pours the shot down Shellys throat
Shelly: Whaaaaaa...
*pauses
*eyes start to water
Menace: ok.. it might burn a lit......
Shelly: AHhh Huhuhhhh Pretty Girl hurt.. MAAAHHH!
Menace: hmm.. hold on.. hold on..
*fingers salted finger in mouth
Shelly: AAAHHHHH....MMmmmmm ..mmmmmmm
*starts to suck my finger hard
*swirels her tongue around it
Menace: *shoots the patron
*bangs the glass on the table
Oh ... jesus.... you got to be shitting me shelly... you little bug eyed hoover you..
*slams the table
God.. damnit.... you are special
Shelly: *sucks and flickers her tongue
Waiter: *coughs
Your soup sir... 2 more shots of patron..
Menace:*pulls finger out of shelly's mouth
hmmm you know what.. why don't you just go ahead and bring me the check.. and forget the 2 shots i want you to bring me the bottle... just put the bottle on my bill...
Waiter: but we don't sell bottles... sir.
Menace: I don't care... just
*looks over at Shelly face first in the soup
jesus... i knew retards couldn't hold there liquor... well.. can't you help me get her cleaned up
*pulls shellys head out of the soup
Shelly: WWEEeeeOOoahhhh.. ha..
Menace: you like that ... i see.... ok.. and can we clean around her tube i don't want her breathing tomatoe bisque on me...... ...ok.... shelly... look at me......... ...look at me...... with your good eye shelly.... ok... i'm going to drive you home... your drunk... so i'm going to take her home..
Shelly: *spits up soup on herself
Menace: Ok.. i'm gonig to take that as a "your cool with that"
Waiter: Your check and bottle sir..
Menace: Alright.. and there you go and i'm going to take a couple of these breadsticks.. she seems to like them... ready to shelly..
Shelly: Naaawwhhhhmmanabbble!!
Menace: ... Allright... you just go ahead and continue to gnaw on your tongue
===========================================
I had the wait staff load shelly in the car... i checked her medical bracelets for her home address.. and once i got some decent directions ... I let shelly suck on my fingers on the way to her house... that mouth never got tired.... and while we drove down to her place... i kept thinking .."ok.ok.. this is what EN meant by saying it would special.. that she's a special girl.. this retard powered sucking machine of a mouth and with that breathing tube she doesn't even have to come up for air."............ ............ but i later learned when we got to Shelly's place... I was wrong about that being the special part of it.............. .........it was so much sweeter than that...
(to be continued Weds)
posted by Johnny Menace at 12:43 AM
12 Comments:
good morning menace and EN!
Dear god...........
Kudos Johnny... this shit is hilarious!! Did you feed her your breadstick in the car on the ride home?
Do tell how you fit the wheelchair in your car?
OOOO did you get handicapped parking?!?!? That's the best!
sweet merciful crap!
just fuck that bitch in the ass.
carl - now see i can see you fucking Shelly in the ass.. i really can... shawn.. no way.. but you carl.. she'd probablly let you pull a cleveland steamer on her
bostick - go ahead bo.. god's listening
EN - no i let her suck on my fingers on the drive back to her place..
shane - you saying merciful just doesn't sound right
And you couldn't feel the teeth scraping when she sucked your finger?
I'm not sure I'd get my "breadstick" anywhere near that bitch.
so, you're into retards then... EN must really know you well to be able to do such a complimentary match.
I think we've found a winner *ding ding ding*
Menace this one is marriage material.
Here's what I don't understand though... Why are you dating if youre rooming with Emma?
She not 'special' enough? Maybe you couldn't keep up with her and told her to leave you alone.
You should kick her out and move Shelly in if so...
ShaWn- Perhaps it is the fact that EN doesn’t want commitment just the experience maybe she is offering this freedom as a gift.
Tho dus protest to much...
I think your just jealous ShaWn.
Didn’t you have a chance at EN?
Ooooooo.... burn!
i think Johnny Menace is my new best friend.
same goes for EN.
Tongue tastes like tongue. Not like chicken like some might have you believe. ;)
Steve~
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