Blind Date: Shelly...... part I
Over the weekend EN convinced me i needed to get out of the pad and meet some new people... so she set me up on a blind date.. i was hesitant at first.. i mean looking at EN i figured .. she's got to be the hot one in her circle of friends.. which means her friends.. which i'm assuming is my blind date are
A) ugly.. like dirt ugly
B) fugly.. like her
C) fat
D) fattugly.. fat and fucking ugly yet they think they look good and wear a belly shirt and then they hit on you trying for a drink and you tell them you wouldn't fell comfortable getting a mother to be a shot of patron... and then there's that awkard pause and you realize she's not pregant.. and she steps back and says "whatttttevvverr" telling how fine "all of this" is... and the right side of body goes numb as you cock your head to side because your right eye and arm are twitching at the thought of "all of that".. and then you order yourself 2 drinks..
.... i was about to say fuck that lets go shopping for a wolf.. when i remembered shs's post on how he met his wife... and i thought... what the hell.. i'll try a fat one.... but god i hope its not fugly fat..
So EN sets me up for Sat night... says this girl has a good personality.. really nice.. lots of laughter.. a good listener.. and special..
Saturday night i was in the shower when the doorbell rang... I turned to EN .. asked her to put her camera down and answer the door while i get ready.. what was said while i showered i figured EN could fill you in..
===============
EN: Hi Shelly!! Come in... Can I get your jacket. It's soooo good to see you! Any trouble finding the place?
Shelly: *shrugs takes off jacket.*
EN: So, are you nervous?
Shelly: *Shys away and blushes *
EN: Well, you shouldn't be nervous... really. Johnny's a great guy, I think you too will interact well. We really should get you up to speed on his likes and dislikes though, so you can keep up with him at dinner....
So let's see... What does Johnny Menace like... Well, he likes Jeremiah Johnson bear claw marks - How are you on animal impressions? So-so?
Oh and he likes driving fast too if that fails. And you like driving fast.... mostly downhill.. but still.... That should be something fun you two could do together I think.. So bring that up. Oh and He likes to manipulate people and well... you like.... uhm... Uhm, You like to manipulate Play doh.. but it's very similar in a general sense....
Shelly: *looks away... mutters something unintelligible*
EN: Johnny is still getting ready but we can sit over there and chat some more....... Soooo Johnny doesn't like panties... you're not wearing panties are you? I hope not because he'll cut them... so If you're wearing underwear that just wont do...
Shelly: *blank stare.. smiles*
EN: Actually, tell me, are they at least white cotton? Because he kinda digs that.
No? Yes? Hmmm... well, moving on then.
If he asks you about pornographic Dr. Suess it's only because he wants you to play with him. Kind of like a mental foreplay... Verse Chorus Verse type thing. Really turns him on. Shit, I should have made cue cards for you... fuck. Well, nevertheless you should keep up if you want his attention.... or he just gets bored and starts stacking the table wear into some strange egyptian type thing.
Shelly: *blinks, continues to smile*
EN: Oh, here comes Johnny, okay act your most beautiful..... remember, you ARE a winner.... Don't be nervous and have fun tonight...
============
...... That explains so much when i walked into the living room and EN was putting away scissors.... at the first glance of Shelly I stopped dead in my tracks.. but i had to have a few words with EN
Menace: Hmmmm... EN come here for a mintue
EN: You to are going to have a great time.
Menace: Ok.... but uhmmm..... you know when you said she was special..
EN: Yeah
Menace: ... I didn't.. think you... well... ... I mean.. I wasn't expecting a... hmmm.. you know.. .... her thing.. that special fucking... thing.. that everyone is going to fucking notice..
EN: I didn't think that would be an issue. Trust me once you'll be fine. You might even get to fuck it..
Menace:... you ... you just called her it....
EN: What?. No . No i didn't. Don't be silly. I said her. fuck her.
Menace: Well .... what the fuck... EN.. and how is that suppose to work.. prop her up on kitchen counter and go to town while i make my sandwhich for round 2....
EN: Hasn't stopped you before.
Menace: yes but those times where different...... ok.. and you know where i do that think with the legs throwing them around.... what if i......
EN: You'll be fine.. Just go. Your date is waiting.
(to be continued tuesday)
A) ugly.. like dirt ugly
B) fugly.. like her
C) fat
D) fattugly.. fat and fucking ugly yet they think they look good and wear a belly shirt and then they hit on you trying for a drink and you tell them you wouldn't fell comfortable getting a mother to be a shot of patron... and then there's that awkard pause and you realize she's not pregant.. and she steps back and says "whatttttevvverr" telling how fine "all of this" is... and the right side of body goes numb as you cock your head to side because your right eye and arm are twitching at the thought of "all of that".. and then you order yourself 2 drinks..
.... i was about to say fuck that lets go shopping for a wolf.. when i remembered shs's post on how he met his wife... and i thought... what the hell.. i'll try a fat one.... but god i hope its not fugly fat..
So EN sets me up for Sat night... says this girl has a good personality.. really nice.. lots of laughter.. a good listener.. and special..
Saturday night i was in the shower when the doorbell rang... I turned to EN .. asked her to put her camera down and answer the door while i get ready.. what was said while i showered i figured EN could fill you in..
===============
EN: Hi Shelly!! Come in... Can I get your jacket. It's soooo good to see you! Any trouble finding the place?
Shelly: *shrugs takes off jacket.*
EN: So, are you nervous?
Shelly: *Shys away and blushes *
EN: Well, you shouldn't be nervous... really. Johnny's a great guy, I think you too will interact well. We really should get you up to speed on his likes and dislikes though, so you can keep up with him at dinner....
So let's see... What does Johnny Menace like... Well, he likes Jeremiah Johnson bear claw marks - How are you on animal impressions? So-so?
Oh and he likes driving fast too if that fails. And you like driving fast.... mostly downhill.. but still.... That should be something fun you two could do together I think.. So bring that up. Oh and He likes to manipulate people and well... you like.... uhm... Uhm, You like to manipulate Play doh.. but it's very similar in a general sense....
Shelly: *looks away... mutters something unintelligible*
EN: Johnny is still getting ready but we can sit over there and chat some more....... Soooo Johnny doesn't like panties... you're not wearing panties are you? I hope not because he'll cut them... so If you're wearing underwear that just wont do...
Shelly: *blank stare.. smiles*
EN: Actually, tell me, are they at least white cotton? Because he kinda digs that.
No? Yes? Hmmm... well, moving on then.
If he asks you about pornographic Dr. Suess it's only because he wants you to play with him. Kind of like a mental foreplay... Verse Chorus Verse type thing. Really turns him on. Shit, I should have made cue cards for you... fuck. Well, nevertheless you should keep up if you want his attention.... or he just gets bored and starts stacking the table wear into some strange egyptian type thing.
Shelly: *blinks, continues to smile*
EN: Oh, here comes Johnny, okay act your most beautiful..... remember, you ARE a winner.... Don't be nervous and have fun tonight...
============
...... That explains so much when i walked into the living room and EN was putting away scissors.... at the first glance of Shelly I stopped dead in my tracks.. but i had to have a few words with EN
Menace: Hmmmm... EN come here for a mintue
EN: You to are going to have a great time.
Menace: Ok.... but uhmmm..... you know when you said she was special..
EN: Yeah
Menace: ... I didn't.. think you... well... ... I mean.. I wasn't expecting a... hmmm.. you know.. .... her thing.. that special fucking... thing.. that everyone is going to fucking notice..
EN: I didn't think that would be an issue. Trust me once you'll be fine. You might even get to fuck it..
Menace:... you ... you just called her it....
EN: What?. No . No i didn't. Don't be silly. I said her. fuck her.
Menace: Well .... what the fuck... EN.. and how is that suppose to work.. prop her up on kitchen counter and go to town while i make my sandwhich for round 2....
EN: Hasn't stopped you before.
Menace: yes but those times where different...... ok.. and you know where i do that think with the legs throwing them around.... what if i......
EN: You'll be fine.. Just go. Your date is waiting.
(to be continued tuesday)
posted by Johnny Menace at 2:03 AM
7 Comments:
She is a transvestite?
she's probably a chick with a dick.
I know all of this Johnny... tell me what happened at dinner!!!
Damn this would be so much funnier if you could type.
Did you bang her or what?
"bang her"?
Shawn I don't think you understand how special she is... I doubt you would be banging her...
Fuck that.
I'd wax that ass like raindance immediately following dinner and a roofie.
No woman is that special... unless she's thpecial.
bo - no.. worse
carl - close.. but without the dick part
EN - that's what part II and III are for
shawn - Really shawn.. i don't think you would roofie this girl and wax her ass... turst me.. you wouldn't .. but you did mention roofie so...... maybe you really do want that ass.. .. no.. i just can't see it...
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