My Menacing Mission

"Where the hell is Johnny Menace?"

Honestly.
I don't know.

Yep even his "roomie" has no idea where he's run of to - he didn't leave a trace.

I know I shouldn't be worried because we both have a tendency to be 'flighty'... but really, it's been a while since he disappeared and the place here is strangely quiet without him pacing the shark tank.

What hasn't been so quiet is the gossip, and believe me the list of rumors is long... 47 to be precise. All of them are worthy of mentioning... but I think I'll share some here that I found 'tickled' me in a special place.

1. He got his head stuck somewhere up Gary Colemans ass.

2. He OD'd on Patron, pissed himself and forgot who he was.

3. He went to Boys Town for the donkey show and fell in love with the main attraction.

4. He met with an untimely and inappropriate animal attack, lost his penis in the struggle, and is undergoing a specialty "swedish addition" in a hospital near you.

5. He's in my trunk chewing on a gag-ball and humming some Deftones - and has been since the Scumbag '08 campaign Hasselhoff rebuttle.

6. His house was caught by a Tornado and flung to Kansas where it landed on top of PBC and Anna's trailer... and PBC shot him.

7. He's joined the priesthood to 'save' me. (Ok that one I am particularly fond of)

8. He's eloped to Vegas to marry Shelly and take some time getting to know his new step-son, Shawn.

9. He and Anonymous ran away to make $900 a day doing something they enjoy - selling penis enhancers and ginko for memory issues.

10. Johnny Menace was really James Brown.

Regardless of why and how, what is important now is to find our good friend Johnny Menace and bring him back home. Like he's done for us when we've been lost... right White Devil?

I mean, let's be serious here... How do we know he hasn't been kidnapped and is being held hostage by some disgruntled Porn workers/mudwrestling Labor Union for unpaid services rendered?
Or being skull-fucked by some sick serial cannibal that is freezing his kidneys for next weeks pate'...
or worse... jail?

Nah, I have to find him. So I've decided to begin a search.
In Johnny's honor. Done Johnny's way.

Until Johnny is found.

I've bought a shit load of plane tickets.
My bags are packed.
It's a good thing I don't wear underwear often or this bag would be much heavier.

No worries people, I will chronicle my search as I go.

The ups, the downs, the ups.. the downs... and well, the ups....
Okay well I'll only chronicle until I find him and then well... that may have to be a short story or something.

I hope to have him back in time for the Seahawks/Cowboys game. Because Seattle is going to win - I just know it.

And I need to rub it in his face.... ffoorreevvveeerrrr.

Wish me luck and pray that Johnny returns safe... and with all eleven fingers.